𝗙𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗱•𝗝. 𝗛𝗮𝗹𝗲✔︎

November

Words: 411

I was sitting at the shore of La push beach, writing in my journal as usual. My head was still spinning with the thoughts of what is now two months ago.

Dear Winnie,
Embry still hasn't said much. I got a call though. It was only ten minutes long. He seems happy. He says he's okay without me, that I should stay away from him. I just don't know if I can. Knowing it's not really him, you know?
Like the off behavior isn't him at all. I know him too well. He's hiding something, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to find out if I want to hang out with him. I really hope we can just be friends again.
I don't have much going on. I did hang out with Angela Webber a weekend ago. I even went to the movies with a kid I didn't know. He was sweet, but also really creepy. I guess I dig creepy though. You know after I went and dated a fucking vampire.
Anyway, I think I might go to Seattle, visit the graveyard. I haven't visited your graves in awhile. I wish I was with you. It's cynical, but it's not like that. I mean, if you were alive I'd like to be with you.

Dear mom,
I'm still pretending to be happy. I'm not though. I wish I was with Esme, she's really the only I've ever known as a mother, you know since I don't have you anymore. It's stupid. I really regret everything. I regret being with him, meeting his family. Or agreeing to that damn birthday party. She should have seen it coming, Alice. Maybe she was too caught up in the love of it all. I hate that, by the way. I love Alice. I love all of them, but it was dumb.
The birthday party is definitely why they left. Bella's still not doing well. She's done the same. Thanksgiving was a blast. She didn't come down stairs. Charlie's worried about her. I can't let him know I'm not doing well, but I will. I promise I'll tell him when Bella's
doing better.
I wish Jasper would just text me. He blocked me, just like everyone else, but things are going to go back to normal. It just has to. I don't know how much more I can take. I've failed you, and I've failed Jasper, and Embry, and Bella, and Charlie, and myself.