Save Me.

The confession

Silence, this is what I have had in my life since past 2 days. My parents don't know what to say to me. Inaya has not visited me after my breakdown. Salar sits in my hospital room in the corner chair not saying a thing. The doctors have tried so many times to get me talk but I actually don't have anything to say back to them or to anyone in general.

There is this emptiness inside me, some sort of hollowness which I cant describe. I look out the window whole day long. The doctors ask me not to overthink about anything but I genuinely don't get any thoughts at all. I just look aimlessly outside.

"I used to go to this tuition teacher in our old neighborhood. I remember I was 9 years old. Her name was shaista - shaista apa, she was amazing. Never once raised her voice on anyone of us. One day her brother came crying to our house and told ammi (mama) to not to send us to their house anymore. Shaista Api is no more. We all were so shocked and me? I was devastated. Over the years we found out that she was being sexually harrased at her workplace and couldn't take it anymore so she killed herself. In the starting years I used to think she should have fought back! Why didn't she beat him or asked someone else to beat him? Why didn't she reported him? Later as years went by I thought maybe females are in general literally not that strong so I started taking extra precautions for my sisters. I took it as my responsibility when I found out about you from Inaya that you need my help and I need to support you. But now when I know that how you defended yourself years back. I think you are one of the most strongest person I have ever met in my life and it's time for me to step back. That doesn't mean I won't be there when you need me the most. Even if you push me back Zareen I am always going to be in the shadows looking after you cause you mean more than a friend to me and everyday I think of you less as a friend and more of something special."

I looked with wide eyes at Salar who said all these things so casually yet with determination in his eyes and in his words. While I sit here trying to process the confession which is giving me a hard time to accept it.

He gets up comes over to me and pats my head lovingly and leaves without any other word.

No no no this can't happen! My heart should not skip like this now. He is Inaya's brother. I can't betray her like that. No there can never happen anything between us like any of that sort. I started pulling my hair out like a maniac. The worst part is that I myself actually do feel something in my heart for Salar which scares me the most.

Going back to the university I wasn't afraid of what would be the people say about the parking lot situation but to meet Salar after his confession whome I have been ignoring like a plague for past couple of days.

I parked my car and instead of going to my usual meeting place with Inaya I went straight to the class and found a place in theel corner to sit where the other seat was already filled so that Inaya couldn't sit next to me. If I wanted to get rid of Salar I need to first get rid of Inaya from my life which I know is not the right thing but I am doing this for her.

Inaya came in the class looking dull and tired not her usual cheerful self. I tried to look straight infront of me to avoid any eye contact. I saw her sit in our usual seats, still not noticing me. The class started and she still hasn't seen me yet not until ma'am Farkhanda called out my name in the attendance name and I said present. Her head turned in my direction so fast I am sure she must have pulled one or two muscles in the process. Her shocked face turned into a happy one and then an accusatory expression took over which broke my heart in pieces and I broke the eye contact and took the rest of the class feeling her stare on me throughout the class.

Once the bell rang I dashed out of the room as if the room was being consumed by fire. Ignoring Inaya's call I went straight to my other class which was hopefully not with her. After wasting enough time in the corridor to avoid any meetup in my class I slipped inside just as the professor came in my view from the corner.

This session was taking far more time to get done from the usual and it was eating me from the inside. I kept on looking at the time throughout the period. There was once where I even almost hit my head on the table because of the drowsiness from the medicines. Finally after long agonizing period the bell felt like heaven for me. I got up and walked out of the room only to find Asad standing in front of the gate leaning against nthe railings looking straight at me. I ignored him and walked towards the back door leading me towards the parking lot when I felt him walking next to me.

"I know what you have been through Zareen"

My heart skipped a beat but I didn't answered him back.

"I don't see you any different than you were before. I still see as a friend, a sister I never had. You are equally important to me just as Inaya is. The no only difference is that Inaya is my best friends sister and you are the love of his life who is pushing not only him but also Inaya who has been the only genuine friend you have had in your entire life."

I would have almost fall on my face by tripping on my feet if Asad wouldn't have held my arm and pulled me back. I looked at him with wide eyes where he just gave me a soft look showing that everything he said is coming straight up from his heart. I couldn't reciprocate the same warmth and looked towards the back door.

"Pushing Inaya away is the hardest thing I have ever done. This is the first time in my life I am pushing someone else out my life and not someone else me from there life. It's because I don't want to be seen as the person who has broken her trust. Who was only with her to get her brother. I have been through alot and I don't want my only friend to hate me for this."

"Why does it feel like you still don't know Inaya well. She would never leave you for such petty issue. It's another thing if you don't reciprocate Salar's feelings and are pushing Inaya away cause of him. Just tell Salar you are not interested and he will back off and you can continue your friendship with Inaya."

I couldn't answer him back as there were so many yes no and maybes so I just nodded. He smiled at me understanding what my replies would be which he knows I would never admit openly.

"Talk to her tomorrow. Go home and take good rest now. You are looking like a homeless person at the moment"

I punched him on his arm for the last comment and left after saying Salam and a mutual promise that I wouldn't run away from Inaya anymore.

Now I will have to face Salar if I want to keep Inaya in my life.

Hey Everyone,
I hope you all doing great and thank you for the support. I write my chapters nowadays at work so I skip rechecking for any mistakes. Kindly bear with me. I'll edit them once the book is complete.