Save Me.

Betrayal

"God I hate her! it is so hard pretending to be her bestfriend while I am just using her to get Aliza to notice me."

"I know man, if it would'nt have been for you crushing over her friend none of us would have befriended her. She has no standards, don't know how to talk to dudes and do not have a pretty face to look at."

"I can't agree more with you two. Ayaan when are you finally hitting on Aliza so that we can finally get rid of zareen. Man I cant fake it anymore."

These words were the last few words I heard from my so called college bestfriends while I was running towards them secretly on our convocation day.

I cried for days that followed slouching in my room, blocking them from everywhere and binge watching all the sad cliche movies with loads of junk food to my rescue.

I dont know where I was wrong in judging them. I just felt stupid and betrayed that they used me while I was 100 percent genuine with them. Letting them in my life, giving them access to everything I owned just because I considered them my brothers. I was not crying over them but at the idea that finally after that incident in grade 8th which had haunted my nights for almost three years, waking me up in the middle of night all sweaty and crying out for help I had finally moved on to be dragged back where I had started.

Having no sibling is like a curse, specially if both of your parents are doctors and stay out till late. I have always been a distant child never shared my problems with them thinking they already had so many of their own why should I increase them by telling them mine. They knew about my condition. After all they were the ones who took me to the hospital 4 years back when I woke up from one of my panic attacks, but I never told them the reason behind them. I never told anyone. Now that I had my first panic attack after one whole year after coming back from my convocation I took the medicines kept in my closet in case of such emergencies to occur. This time I made sure they did not know anything about my condition as I refuse to be at someone else mecy anymore. Even if they are my parents.

As I pack my bag, putting in my new spiral, some pens, emergency toiletries and specifically my medicines which I bought after the first panic attack 2 weeks back. I just wait for my university to start from tomorrow so that I can finally put all of this behind and move on for my own good.