So Lost Without You

Reading letters

I'm so pissed off right now! I went back to find the letter that Jay wrote and I can't find it! I know it was up! Stupid wattpad:/

Tess's POV

It's been a few weeks since Jay brought the letters over. I haven't read them yet but I think I just have to do it today. I am not sure why but its like this really strong feeling that's giving me the urge to open it. So why not? It can't do anymore harm.

I grab the envelope with a big '1' on it and open it to find a handwritten letter:

   'My dearest Tess,

  Oh you have no idea how much I miss you already. I just want to hold you ever moment and kiss your soft pink lips all day. I want to protect what is mine or what was mine. I lost the girl I care so much about, the girl I never wanted to loose. I just want you back Tess and I'm sorry. I'm stupid. You of all people would know that too. I make terrible mistakes that I regret so very much and it kills me inside to know that I've done such terrible things and I've lost you and it hurts me physically Tess. I'm not asking anything of you, I just hope you can find it in you to forgive me because I'm terribly sorry. Maybe it would be better for you to move on and find a guy who isn't such a screw up. But before you decide to do that I just want to say that I love you Tess. I am so madly in love with you and it hurts because I've never felt something this strong before and it's insane. I wish things were okay like before. I'm so sorry Tess I'm so so so so sorry.

                     - Jay♥

  I wipe away a stray tear and open the handwritten letter that has a '2' on the envelope;

My Love,

So you know the song bulletproof love? Well that's how I feel our relationship is kind of like. 'My love for you was bulletproof' and that's how it is -was- 'but you're the one who shot me' and that's also true. I told you I changed and that I wasn't going to hurt you anymore but before I got the chance to explain you shot me down. I don't like may- I don't like any girl other than you. Actually I don't like you, I love you Tess! Words cant even describe. I know for da.mn sure that I am in love with you, and you only and nothing will change that. You were the one that I could go to with my problems. You were my singing buddy. We were supposed to do a duet.. We promised.  We promised so many things and we haven't gotten that far. I can tell you're a mess and I am too. I feel like I should go to a mental institution because I'm going insane without you. I know im sounding very cliche but I don't care about how I sound I just want you to know how I feel. I honestly probably pulled the last string and lost you. If you are going to move on then I just want you to know that I love you so much that I'll let you go and I support you and I had the most amazing time with you, you have no idea. So just no either way I love you and I will support you through it all.

                   -You know who

I cant believe this. I have so many mixed emotions and thoughts running through my mind and body I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. i don't know if i should love him, forgive him, hate him?

'Hey,i read the letters you wrote.' i texted jay.

'And??' jay says almost immediately.

'Come over in 20 minutes.'

A/N

Sorry its been awhile and its short. But im here, alive and well:)