You're Not Ready For This

Breakup sex? Breakup Sex.

Meredith was exhausted. Running from him was exhausting. All she wanted was to accept his love and give him the same affection in return, but it wasn't something she was capable of. He wanted a wife, a family, someone committed and stable. She wouldn't run off and find herself in bed with another man, but she couldn't allow him to rely on her because it was evident she would let him down. Sex, that was the one thing she could give him with zero strings attached, a least that's what she told herself as his fingers unlooped the strings of her pants and his tongue explored her mouth for the first time in three weeks.

It wouldn't have been that long if she hadn't run away with Cristina after her bestfriend's failed attempt at a wedding. Derek didn't understand. In some twisted way, Cristina walking down that aisle and getting her happy ending with Burke signified Meredith's relationship going well with Derek. It meant it was okay for her to find love, to open herself up to him again with the possibility of getting hurt, again.

"I missed you." Meredith was so lost in her own thoughts that she hardly noticed the words that left his mouth seconds before it collided with her neck, caressing the spot that he knew made her weak. Muscle memory came into play as she tilted her head to the side and tangled her slender fingers in his freshly trimmed tousles. Her stomach fluttered as she thought to herself that he got it cut for her return, knowing from being the one to help plan Cristina's honeymoon that she would be back at work today.

Derek's scrubs dropped in surrender and he kicked them off his feet eagerly, growing impatient at the leisure rate they were moving and just wanting, needing to be connected in what seemed to be the only way she knew how; or the only way that didn't end in a bitter argument and her leaving him at the altar. Technically she didn't leave him at the altar as it wasn't their wedding, but the phrase its over wasn't only applying to Cristina and Burke.

Her black cover-up was the next victim as Derek pulled it off of her arms and dropped it on the ground next to his pants. His mouth left hers and he drank in the sight in front of him, her chest only being covered by a light purple bra that would be the next thing vanishing from her gorgeous body. Derek wasn't shy when it came to letting her know how much he adored her, and it always made her flush and her cheeks turn red at the confession.

"I missed you too." It wasn't a lie, she missed him more than she would let on. But she also needed the space. She needed a break from the ultimatums and knowledge of him flirting with women in the bar. The deadbeat father and his dead dead wife. If she hadn't run away she would probably be going insane. Anyone walking by the door of the on-call room they were christening would've assumed she was more than insane if they heard the loud moans starting from the bottom of her stomach and escaping her lips as his fingers pushed fabric to the side and found her mound.

She struggled to breathe or speak or think but managed to finish undressing him while his fingers worked on her core, drawing out cries of enjoyment from her shaky lips.

"I missed this too." Derek remarked before he grasped her waist, smirking at the pleasant shriek, and set her on the counter that her back was previously leaning against.

"Did you?" Meredith praised herself and attempted to hide the pure look of happiness on her face as she wrapped her nimble fingers around him and his throaty groan was louder than the moans she let out.

He buried his head in her neck as she stroked him and memories of their previous nights and afternoons in that same on-call room rushed back to him. Before all of the disagreements and trust issues separating them now. Her hands felt nothing less than perfect around him and it only made him crave the full experience that much more.

"I said I...'' a silent but deafening gasp caught in her throat as Derek lifted her from the counter and connected them as one. Her hands gripped his broad shoulders as he held her in place, allowing the two of them to grow accustomed to the feeling of being united. It hadn't beem that long since they'd seen each other, but it might've been more than a month since they'd had sex.

"What were you saying?" Derek smirked against her cheek and massaged the delves in her lower back, making her arch into his embrace and clench around his length, creating a contracting feeling that made it unbearable for either of them to stand.

Meredith's back collided with the uncomfortable twin-sized bed but she didn't seem to care about comfort when her chest became a place for his mouth to wander. She sighed when he licked circles around her nipple and took her bosom in between his lips, biting it just enough to make it sting and kissing it afterwards to soothe the pain.

"I was saying that I..." she didn't get the chance to complete her sentence the second time around either due to his reentrance. The back of her knees trapped his neck as Meredith met his thrusts with just as much passion, if not more. Right now none of the obstacles in their relationship mattered, it was just the two of them sharing something so vulnerable that not even the smartest could put into words.

"Can you let me finish?" Meredith glared down at him after flipping them around and parting her legs on either side of his body.

"Happy to." It was clear he was referring to a different type of finishing and Meredith couldn't help but giggle at his dorkish sense of humour. He admired her beauty and marveled at the creases in her soft cheeks that formed when she was amused. Her loose curls cascaded her face and skimmed Derek's chest as she leaned down and took all of him in, throwing her head back at the feeling of being reconnected. She didn't want to think of the painful impending conversation they were destined to have when the time was right. All she wanted was to enjoy this feeling of comfortability and safeness that she felt when she was with him. The feeling she hadn't felt with anyone else and still scared her because she didn't want him holding that power over her.

"Derek..." she drew out her final moan as he supported her waist and let out all of the pent up frustration from her being distant and uncommunicative, releasing every ounce of energy into his thrusts and catching her limp body as she collapsed on his chest out of breath.

His breathless pants tickled her ear and their legs tangled in attempts to get comfortable enough to doze off into a much needed sleep.

"I'm sorry for leaving.'' Meredith admitted against the warmth of his skin and squeezed her eyes shut to halt them from exposing the feelings she wasn't ready for him to know.

He wanted to dry the tears that pooled at her eyes when he lifted her chin and forced her to look at him. "I'm sorry for giving you a reason to go.'' With his confession came the salty trail of his own, except he didn't fight it, he remained staring at her solemnly while tears ran down his cheek. Derek hummed against the top of her head as she kissed away the liquid and nuzzled her face into his neck, forgiving him without saying the words.

They knew this was the beginning of the end. They were broken up now, officially. Once they walked out of this room there were no rules, no commitment. Derek could flirt with any lucky women he happened to meet in a bar and Meredith could have as many faceless one night stands as she pleased. They were no longer together and as much as it pained them, staying in a relationship that didn't equally benefit the other was worse than being together and miserable.