Help! I'm asexual and trapped in a dating sim!

Chapter One

The dragon roared, a pillar of white-hot fire bursting from its maw. Where the flames licked against the rough-hewn walls of the cavern the rock melted to lava, dripping down the stone and setting the bone dry lichen on fire. Charlie, our party's rouge, leapt away with a cry of pain as the flames singed his cloak and began to burn their way up towards his body.

Damned Charlie. I'd told him that a cloak wasn't the best idea for an assassin.

"I've got aggro!" called Ryan, our tank. Even he, dressed in full plate armour and with an excessive amount of defensive buffs, probably couldn't hold the dragon for long. But he didn't have to- Lindsay just needed forty-eight seconds to cast her blizzard spell and, so long as the frozen debuff took effect, we'd be in with a chance.

"You sure?" I shouted back. "Because I can't take a single hit from this guy!"

"Of course I'm sure!" he bellowed. "Why do you never trust me? God!"

"Well, sor-ree," I muttered. "If after last time when you, ya know, got me wounded seconds into the fight, I'm not fully confident in your abilities."

I quickly selected an arrow- the tip dipped in deadly nightshade for damage over time- and nocked it in my bow. With her many buffs and perfect golden varnish to compliment the rare elder wood she was made from, she had never failed me yet. I'd named her Selena, and I would die if anything happened to her.

Literally. I had no other skills.

I took my aim, smoothly tracking the thrashing head of the dragon with a scowl of concentration. I released the string, and watched as the arrow flew...
Right past the dragon and into the opposite wall, where it bounced off the stone with a sad little clatter. To add insult to injury (or rather, a distinct lack of it), it landed in a puddle of lava and set alight, burning merrily with a purple tinged flame.

Although it caused no harm to the beast in question, it sure did catch the dragon's attention. It stopped making darting passes at Ryan and turned its full focus on me, its red eyes burning into me like lasers.

Lasers that wanted to kill me.

I gulped.

"Good dragon," I sang. "Nice dragon. You wouldn't hurt a little ranger, would you? Not when there's those big tin cans like Ryan toddling about."

"Hey! Don't call me a tin can!"

"Ryan!" I hissed. "That is not the problem right now!"

"Got it!" Lindsay called, and a storm of ice and freezing rain engulfed the dragon. It roared in pain, deep pockmarks denting its scales, but its hate-filled gaze remained fixed on me.

The last thing I saw was a ball of fire, heading straight for my face. Oh, the flashbacks to gym class. It seems history really does repeat itself.

The screen faded to black, and the words 'You died!', emblazoned in a crimson red, scrolled across the screen.

"Ryan!" I shouted into my mic. "You said you had aggro! That didn't seem like aggro to me!"

"Yeah, sorry Lee, my dude." Ryan sounded embarrassed. Which he should be. "My thumb slipped and I blocked instead of activating my taunt."

"That does not surprise me," came Charlie's voice through my ancient headphones.

"I'll rejoin," I sighed. "And don't call me dude, nobody says that. Meet me at the Nightingale Inn. I still get my fair share of loot, right?"

"Yup. Even if we have to take it from Ryan's share."

I respawned in the lobby, but as I went to walk into the city I noticed that my hands were empty.