Help! | McLennon

Drowning

John started walking even faster, causing everything to spin. Somehow he managed to get to a place, where there was no noises, just pure silence. Unfortunatly, the state that he found himself in, was one of those where silence seemed way louder than actual noises.

He closed his eyes and waited until his mind got clear enough for him to continue walking. At this point, he didn't even know where he was going. His head felt like it was about to explode and honestly, he wouldn't mind as long as it brought his body some peace.

Pictures of Paul's unconcious body with its ashen colors started filling his head and it took all the strenght he had left in himself not to throw up. His throat burned and his eyes hurt from the previous bright camera flashes. When he tried to rub his face, he realizes that he was wearing his stupid glasses.

"Fuck!" he cried out and slid all the way down to the groud. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck!" He took off the glasses and threw them to the ground angrily. Even though he heard the glass break, he couldn't care less. If Paul died, it would be his fault.

John felt his chest tighten and he started having troubles breathing. He pulled his hair as he started crying and shaking like a baby. He felt broken like he had fallen down a twenty-floor building. But he could only blame himself. He had ruined Paul. He knew something was wrong, but he never did anything about it. He let Paul change the subject every time it came up. He was the one who let this happen.

He was the one always screwing everything up. Just like with his mother. After reconnecting with her, he should had never let her out of his sight. And now she was dead, so how could he hope that it was going to be different with his lover?

Ringing in his ears started getting louder and louder and he couldn't take it anymore, he was going insane. It all felt like dying and that fact made John feel a bit better. If he died right now, all the suffering would stop. He let out a loud sob when his chest tightened again, hurting more than before.

He didn't know for how long he had been sitting there before he started hearing some distant voices. He couldn't quite recognize them at first. All of the sudden he felt someone's touch on his left arm. He opened his eyes, but closed them right back when he discovered how bright it was outside. He groaned silently and rubbed his eyes.

"Don't tell me you've been her the whole time! We've been looking for you, you git!" the voice spoke again and now John was pretty sure that it belonged to one of the lads. "John!"

His eyelids fluttered open again to see two figures bended over him. It took him a few blinks until his eyes got completly used to the brightness. When they did, they landed on Ringo and George's worried faces. At some point John had stopped crying. Now he was only sobbing silently and he couldn't find a way to stop. All his muscles hurt, especially his stomach as he tried to stand up.

"You've been here this whole time?" Ringo asked.

John looked around and saw nothing, but high grass and trees. The lads noticed that he was having a hard time coming back to reality, so they just sat down and waited.

John realized that he must had been sitting there for good hours. It was weird though as he couldn't remember anything. Just the way he felt. The feeling of weakness. Funny how your mind works sometimes, when you are feeling down sometimes.

"Can we go see him now?" he finally spoke up and immediately cringed at his own voice as it came out pathetically hoarse and quiet.