lament

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lament; noun: an expression of regret or disappointment

lament is a constant feeling for me.

becoming friends with topper, sarah, and rafe makes me feel lament.

yelling at my mother before she was deployed last year makes me feel lament.

although, being nice to the maybank boy has never made me feel lament. everything about him was perfect.

-logan <3

I've been waiting for JJ since 10 am. I know I told him 3 pm, but I found myself looking out my bedroom window every other minute.

I planned on bringing multiple blankets and pillows. There was a twin sized bed in the tree house. Although the obx days were warm, nights were always cold. Especially, when you're spending the night in the trees.

When 3:00 finally rolled around, JJ still wasn't here. I waited until 3:15 to text the boy. I assumed he was just running late.

--
JJ
logan

logan
??

JJ
im coming
kie's on my ass about this though

logan
you told her you were hanging out with me?

JJ
no
god no
i said i was going to spend the night at a friend's house and she's being sus about it.

logan
oh
just tell me when you're on your way

JJ
okay
it might be a while

logan
sure

--
3:45
4:05
5:33
5:47
6:23
6:44
7:29
7:35

--
JJ
logan

logan
forget it

JJ
shit, logan

logan
just hang out with your friends, JJ

JJ
im so sorry

logan
im sure you are

JJ
can i make it up to you?

logan
probably not

JJ
logan please

logan
do you even have an excuse?

JJ
kie needed me

logan
i was going to show you something important, JJ.
something nobody else knows about.
even topper and sarah don't know

JJ
really?

logan
yeah
it was important.
why was kiara more important to you?

JJ
she just didn't want me to go.
so she asked me to go surfing and i lost track of time

logan
isn't kie dating pope?

JJ
yeah?

logan
so why couldn't she surf with him?

JJ
i don't know

logan
because she's jealous, JJ
she's obviously in love with you and not pope

JJ
no

logan
im in love with you too
message not sent

logan
it doesn't matter
whatever

--

I'm taking that back.

Meeting the Maybank boy, having sex with him, smiling at him, texting him, inviting him over, everything about him..
                         makes me feel lament.

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