{ tom and teddy }

chapter one

teddy's pov:

"Do you wanna scrub in with me later today? Mum and daughter surgery, we haven't had such in a long time." I told Luisa while I am went trough patient files. Lou was silent for a while, staring at me while her eyes filled up with tears. She didn't noticed that I already acknowledged it, she just stood there for at least 3 minutes straight, barely blinking. "Lou, is everything okay?" My voice became more broken the more she kept looking at me without saying anything. "Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?! I am worried, Louisa!" I put the file aside, my hands on her shoulder and looked at her with concern. "Lou, I'm serious. Tell me what's going on, right now." She just looked at me, gave a short sob and hugged me as tightly as she can. "I'm sorry. I'm so.. so sorry mommy." If one sentence worries a mother, it's this one. I took her tightly in my arms and gently stroked her back. We were in the middle of the hallway, an inconvenient place for moments like this .. So I decided that we should find a quiet room. "What happened, Lou?" She stayed quiet for a little while and went back into my arms. "Can we please wait till Dad gets out of surgery? I just.. I wanna tell you both at the same time." I nodded silently and paged Tom with 911 and the exact on call room we are in. He was in OR 3 with Amelia, so it wouldn't take long for him to get here because she could continue the surgery without him.

Only a few minutes later, Tom rushed into the door with the most concerned look I ever saw on his face. Lou made eye contact with both of us and waited until her father sat down next to her. Then she removed the tears in her face with her hands and looked at us. "Remember when I told you about the patient with decease and that I am not sure if I should operate because it's too risky? I never mentioned a name or never let you both read any files, even if you have more experience in medicine than me. It had a reason I did that. I didn't want to hurt you, because I love you both so much, you kept me from any pain you could keep away from me, you protected me everytime I needed protection and you both love me with every inch of your body. And there's no way that the universe is so screwed up, that I have to hurt you both so much. And surely it's not that big.." She laughed for a second and hold her hand to her stumach."You always wanted children. Don't say it has to do something with that?" Lou nodded slowly but then took her hands back to her side. "A few weeks ago Noah and I went to the obgyn here in the hospital. Just a little check up if I am able to have kids in general. The doctor examined me, took blood, she also ordered consults in cardio and generell. And the tumor markers where higher then usually. So we did a CT-scan. We consulted a neuro-surgeon and she diagnosed me.." Her voice broke down again and she didn't looked at us. She looked down to the floor and let go of my hands. Then she continued. "With a brain tumor. I have a tumor in my head." That hit me, hard. Would somebody asked me what this felt like, I would say my heart just got ripped out of my chest. Tom's face looked exactly how I felt, you could tell him that he was in pain for his little baby girl how he still called her. My stomach hurts, I had the feeling that I have to throw up any second. After any of us could answer Lou stood up and took both of our hands. "I am truly sorry" she said and left. I can not imagine how hard it must been to confess her condition to us, we all know how scary and dangerous such a diagnosis is.

{same evening}

toms pov

After Lou confessed her medical condition we didn't saw her again. I guess she straight went home to her fiance and called in sick. That's how she reacts sometimes. And for gods sake, I would give anything to have the chance to be there for her but if I would do just the littlest thing I would keep pushing her in that big black hole she is right now.
I brought Teddy home and explained the situation to Bailey and Mer, not all the details but they understood why we had to left for the rest of the day.

Teddy remained silent for the rest of the evening, and even as we went to bed she said nothing. Turned of the light and hid herself under the blanket.

I fell asleep after a few hours of trying so sleep until I woke up to a empty bed side to my right. I immediately turned on the lights and searched every inch of the house for teddy. Nothing.. Until I stood Infront of the bathroom door, which was locked. I heard her sobbing, the most heartbreaking sound I've ever heard in my life. Trust me, I know what I'm saying. Teddy isn't a human of showing emotions, everytime she experiences pain she hides herself in the there, trying not to show me but little does she know. I am fully aware of what she's doing when she's in the bathroom with the door locked.
"Just leave me alone Tom" I heard her voice cracking. "Please I don't want you too see me like that." She added. I closed my eyes and just leaned on to the door. Waited, and waited. Then I heard how the door opened. Teddy sitting on the floor as I suspected. Her eyes red from crying the past hour. I  I sat down next to her on the floor, took her in my arms and only heard her whisper: "I'm scared, Tom" I took her more into my embrace and nodded. "So am I, Teddy. So am I" Our little girl don't deserved to be in so much pain and yet she is..

{to be continued}