{ tom and teddy }

chapter two

louisas point of view

Telling my parents was the worst things I've ever done to them. I wanted to protect them from this and yet I can't do anything to take away the pain from them. A brain tumor is the biggest irony I have ever seen. My father is a neuro-surgeon and of course I had to wake up with a huge brain tumor in my head. And my mother, she already lost a child, i don't want her to loose a second.

After I went home I decided to talk to Amelia again and asked Noah if he could drive me to the hospital. For him it wasn't easy either. We just wanted to know if we could have children. That Amelia would then diagnose a tumor that is as good as inoperable .. Nobody expected that and I wish I didn't have to hurt him and my parents so much. It was truly the worst thing I ever did in my life. While Noah and I are driving to the hospital nobody said anything. Just the music in the background coming from the radio. He just drove through the city and held my hand as much as he could. He pretends to be fine, but he's not. He plays cool but deep down he's fighting with himself. Fighting because he's not ready to face this thing that's growing in my head. That makes two of us.

It didn't took us that long to arrive at the hospital and as soon as Amelia saw us, she came up to me and hugged me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I could not do this, the pain this fucking tumor already caused me and my family. And besides.. Criyng was no option, it wasn't how I cope. And for sure I wouldn't cry as long as Noah could see me. I don't want him to see me like that. It is enough that he supports me and does not run away, leaving me alone as I initially expected. Nobody wants a fiancée with a brain tumor that even Amelia doesn't dare to operate. She is, after my dad, the best neurosurgeon in this hospital, if not in the country. That has to say something, right?

"How are you, Lou?" Amelia asked me as we went into her office. Noah sitting right next to my seat, holding my hand. My dad's best friend is now also my best friend. She's helping me trough this, she's been trough this by herself so she knows exactly how I feel. Except for the fact that my dad was the one who took her tumor out of her head. She told me the hole story when we first talked about treating my tumor. "I'm fine. It's good that my parents knows my condition and I finally don't have to lie in their faces anymore. But I wish I could take away the pain this is causing them." I said, looking into Amelias eyes, knowing that she knows exactly what I'm talking about. She stands up and hugs me tightly. "I know, sweetie."

{same time at toddys home}

toms point of view

I haven't slept, I haven't eaten, I haven't spoken since yesterday. I am scared that she could die any second I'm not with her. I'm scared that she would be too scared, sitting in a corner, bawling her eyes out. She doesn't know how to handle a brain tumor. How could she? She's a surgeon herself, her mother is a surgeon.. I am a God damn neuro-surgeon who's daily business is taking out brain tumors out of patients heads. No matter how dangerous they are to treat, I do it. But now. I have to stay back, I am not allowed to treat my little girl.

And speaking of her mother, being a surgeon.. Teddy is suffering.. Probably more than me, and she hasn't let me be there for her. She's sitting on the couch or laying in bed all day, staring at the wall or the window. Everytime I bring her something to eat, she denied it. She doesn't say a word. And even when I'm trying to hug her she stands up and locks herself in the bathroom, continues to cry.
If I could do one thing, I would take this tumor out of lous head so that both of them, teddy and my baby girl, can life without pain.

Ironic is also how Louisa and Noah were in the hospital for testing if they could start a family and now have to deal with this life changing situation.

What if she dies during surgery? What if.. What if i miss the opportunity to tell her how much I love her just because I'm busy with work?

I can't loose another child.