The Book Thief 》Hemmings A.U

27.00

     "YOU COULD HAVE won more awards," Luke's father comments, pursing his lips as he eyes the three trophies tucked into Luke's arm. I hold another for him, yet still, it is not enough. Nothing seems to be enough for that man.

     I burrow deeper into Luke's varsity jacket as he, his parents, and I head towards the parking lot. I relish in the warmth it offers for the short time I wear it, since I know I'll have to give it up when we get to the lot. Although I like the fact that it's keeping me warm, I don't mind having to return it.

     Varsity jackets are a big deal --especially here. Everything is a big deal here. But varsity jackets from football players, from the quarterback are like gold-- and I didn't think Luke was fully aware of that when he gave it to me. Just like leaving your personal items at a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/ whatever; it was a silent act of possession.

     The entire banquet, Luke wouldn't stop frowning at me or making snide comments or reminding me just why I so often loathed him. I could only tolerate so much but luckily, loading up on chicken was more than enough to keep me from lashing out at him. 

        "Andrew, stop," Mrs. Hemmings says in a hard voice, shaking her head. Her features soften as she looks towards Luke, head tilting. "Honey, the marks on your face still haven't healed. Why won't you tell me who did them? I should call the scho-"

         "I told you it was some prick from another team, Mum. I'm fine," Luke hisses, pleasing his father. Mr. Hemmings exhales, seeming relieved. Of course he didn't tell on you, you son of a bitch. But he should have.

           "Language," She sighs, accepting the fact that Luke wasn't going to give her anymore information.

       Much to my relief, we reach the parking lot. Luke tells his parents that he'll drive back home in a few hours and they comply, going into their own car. Before they go, Liz thanks me for attending the banquet and kisses Luke on the cheek, quickly telling us goodbye. The palpable awkwardness sets in between the two of us when his parents drive away; leaving nothing but a trail of car exhaust in their wake.

     "Thank you for the dresses and shoes and for letting me borrow your jacket," I blurt, wanting to end the silence.

     "You're welcome," Luke frowns when I take off his Varsity jacket and hand it to him, along with his fourth trophy. He opens the backseat door and tosses everything inside, turning to face me again. He parts his lips like he's going to say something, but stops himself. Eventually, he says it anyways. "Do you really not care if go with Kate?"

      "Date whoever you want, Luke. That's not up to me." I force myself to say, hating him for bringing that up again.

      "I don't want to date Kate and you know that, Cohen." He sighs, running a hand through his blonde hair. "Can you tell me what you're really thinking instead of being so cryptic? Because if you do care, and you're not saying anything... just- just please, tell me." I tear my gaze away from his icy blue eyes and look down at the black ankle strap heels currently adorning my feet; finding it easier to direct my words towards them instead.

     "I'm thinking that I don't like the way you make me feel, Luke. Every time you don't get what you want, you lash out and go back to being a dick again. I get that your dad contributes to the way you act, I really do. But I can't deal with it, and I shouldn't have to. You put me into this situation, you know how important my education is to me. Yet you still keep it away from me. You know that I always put everyone before myself-"

     "Which you shouldn't do-" He starts and I nod, holding up my hand to stop him.

      "I know that, but I do it anyways. And because of that, I made a promise to you and I keep overlooking everything you do even if I shouldn't. The point is, I'm still mad at you for what you're doing. I'm pissed at you, Luke. But somehow I don't hate you and I like being around you and I just-" I pause, frowning as I look back up at him. "I don't know what I feel. And I don't like not knowing. Everything is really confusing right now and you doing all these things doesn't help my situation at all,"

     "Things like kissing you?" He says softly, biting his lip.

       "Especially things like that." I exclaim, frustration and exasperation rising. "So if you want to go fuck Kate or whatever the hell you two do, then go. It's easier for me-"

     "Easy doesn't mean better," Luke interjects, swallowing hard. 

     "I don't care, Luke. We'll finish your applications and you'll give me my story and we can be done. All of this other stuff was never supposed to get in the way. I mean honestly, college is the one thing I want in life and you're standing in the way of it!" I bark, running my shaking hands through my hair.

      I couldn't do this, I didn't want to do this. I just wanted to go home and be alone. For once I wanted to be alone without my mind or my parents or Luke or anything infiltrating my brain.

     "Are you sure you don't want something else?" He says quietly, keeping his gaze locked onto mine.

     "Like what, Luke?" My voice cracks from frustration and all I want to do is scream and run and hide from the mess inside of my head. Luke swallows the lump in his throat and steps closer.

     "Like me!" Luke strains, shaking his head. "Nothing is ever easy for either of us. But easy isn't always the best thing. I'm not good at saying how I feel or doing relationships or being a nice person. But I'm trying for you. God, Kendall, I've never tried so hard in my fucking life." He says honestly, 

     "You called me Kendall," I whisper, that statement being the only coherent thought to escape from my lips.

      "Yeah, I did. That's your name, isn't it?" He tries but fails to smile, shaking his head and looking pained as the seconds drag on in which I don't respond. Don't you want something else? Don't you want me?

     "I'll see you at the boat party tomorrow. Lucy wants me to go so she's not stuck with a bunch of old people...so I'll see you there." He releases a breath and nods, scoffing. When he clenches his jaw and rubs at the back of his neck, I know I said the wrong thing. I know I fucked up. But what else am I supposed to say? I already told him I didn't know what I was feeling or thinking. I could barely decide what I wanted for breakfast, let alone if I wanted to be wanted by the boy holding my future hostage. If I wanted that boy back.

      I start backing up, on the verge of tearing the heels off of my feet so that I can run to the bus stop and get back home as fast as I can. Luke doesn't say anything else, he doesn't have to. I didn't answer his question and that was the end of the conversation.

     He turns around and starts walking away from me, starts getting into his car and putting the key into the ignition. I take the shoes off and I start running out of parking lot, breathing frantic as the shoes bounce wildly in my grasp.

     I ignore the cold and the bare ground against my feet and even the dress hugging my body; making it difficult to run. But I can't ignore the look of hurt on Luke's face; replaying over and over in my head. I can't ignore his questions. Don't you want something else? Don't you want me? 

     Because yeah, I did. But I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. Saying it out loud made it real and I didn't want that. I couldn't want that. But I did.

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LISTEN I HAVE A CUTE THING PLANNED AND IT'S COMING JUST WAIT OKAY I PROMISE I MEAN I THINK IT'S CUTE IDK HOPEFULLY YOU DO TOO :::: IT INVOLVES THAT GUITAR KENDALL FOUND IN LUKE'S CLOSET THE FIRST TIME SHE SLEPT IN HIS ROOM!!!

i know this isn't that long but i'm going to update again v soon and i thought that was a good place to end the chapter  so stay tuned; love you guys :)