Hated

Hell

After lying to the counselor about my daily eating habits, I went to math class. Ms. Snac doesn’t know about my problems, but she can guess pretty well. I wish she could get out of my head.

Ms. Neil continues with X’s and Y’s and doesn’t bother to have me sign in. I take my seat next to Jalen and Emma and pull out my puppy math notebook. Paying attention is something I don’t want to do right now. I decide to doodle instead so I can get my mind off of things.

My mom always said I was a good artist but I never believed her. How are you suppose to believe a drunk? My friends agree but I refuse to believe I am anything more than a nothing. Being happy was something that kept me going. When I was happy, I ate. I won’t make that mistake again.

The bell rings as I pack my stuff for the next class. My school is what you could call veryprivate. It goes from sixth grade to 8th grade but almost every class is the same. I might be in seventh grade, but all my classes are in the 8th grade hallway because they have the only teachers that can handle me. Especially since all my classes are ninth grade APs.

Three months ago I made the love of my life be mine forever... until summer break. We were in love, we kissed, we thought we would never break apart. Wrong. When summer break hit everything ended. I never saw his wavy blonde hair and built body, which he got from football, ever again. I didn’t even get to see his bright blue eyes at school yesterday because he had strep. He’s here today.

“Hey Jenna. The suns bright today. I better see some smiles upon that beautiful face!” Every morning we were in love he would try making me laugh and smile. Happy = eating.

“Smiles are for happy people, Daren,” I whisper as I walk into social studies class, one of my favorites. He walks behind me with a puzzled look on his face.

I take my seat next to my best friend, Heather. I met her last year in the 6th grade and we have been best friends ever since. She has been here for me more than Daren.

“Hey Jen,” she whispers, “did you break it off between you and Daren yet?” Me and Heather have been talking about me breaking up with Daren for a while. We both know what it’s like to have the spark be put out.

Heather was dumped a month ago after her boyfriend found out she had been cutting. We started around the same time, but our parents wouldn’t believe us. My mother always blamed Heather, and Heather’s mom always blamed me. We could never win.

Her boyfriend was the nicest guy I have ever met. He loved everything about her. He even gave her a chance when he found out she was cutting. He got her help, which worked for the longest time. Then she broke down, and cut one last time, but too deep. She went to the hospital, and then a mental institution three hours later. I guess she didn’t cut as deep as she wanted to.

A month after being put in, and a month before school started, she got out. She convinced them she was cutting something in the kitchen when the knife slipped. Her arm is so thin it cut too deep and her bleeding out made her pass out.

They believed it, made her gain ten more pounds because “eighty pounds isn’t enough for a thirteen year old,” and sent her back home just in time to learn Justin left a note on her front step saying it was over. I wish my break up could be that easy.

“No. I… I don’t know how to do it…” I held back my tears as I got out my social studies folder