Hated

What is this World?

        Throwing my book bag and purse onto the my bed, I jump face down onto the soft pillows. I wish I could sleep forever, never needing to worry about another ounce, or losing one for that matter.

But I know I can’t do that. Life must go on, whether I like it or not. I’m too big of a wimp to end it, so I guess I will have to stick this one through. What if I pay someone to kill me? At least they would have the guts to do what I can’t.

Rolling over, I stare at the ceiling. White covers the rigidity plaster; only a single tinted spot sits in the right corner. The ceiling is it’s own perfect universe. It may have it’s flaw, but it doesn’t change anything around it. It just ignores it and pushes it away, not letting it affect anything else.

After minutes just laying on my bed, I sit back up and roll onto the floor. The carpet welcomes me with it’s silk-like woven fabric. I bury my face in the warm carpet, and wait for my sleepiness to take over me.

Minutes go by as I try to sleep. My head aches and my stomach growls for food. I haven’t had food in what? Months? My god, I’m starving to death. It’s finally happening; I’m dying, and it’s all going to be over soon. My stomach feels as if it is on fire, like I’m bleeding internally.

Seconds feel liked hours as my stomach turns and churns, begging me for calories. Knifes inject themselves into my stomach. My mouth burns as if lava is being forced down my throat. Does lava have calories? All my hard work, down the drain.

My eyes are next to come. Blood trickles out of the corners of my eyes, falling like tears after a rough break up. The blood burns as they touch my hand when I wipe them away. I search around my room for tissues, but the room is empty. My bed is gone, only the TV remains on the blank walls.

I finally notice the TV was playing a scream, over and over again. Blood curdling, the screech of nails on a chalkboard replay in the once heard scream. I want to cry, let go of being strong, and just give in to the screams before I lose my mind.

The screaming stops, and I lay in the middle of a nowhere, hands wrapped around my legs; the fetal position. I’m surrounded by darkness. Things fly around me, but I can’t make out what they are. They are things, things I know I have seen before, but for some reason my mind isn’t connecting to what they could be.

The yelling begins again, but only stays for a few seconds until voices replace it. First comes Heather’s, then Daren’s. They mumble together, all talking at once. The voices sounds faded, but loud and strong. As if they were pronouncing gibberish like it was an actual language.

I stand up, trying to find my way to…. anywhere. Anywhere where I could be away from the ache-giving noises. I walk - no - run around the darkness filled room.

I finally make it to an area where a white arrow points with the words FAT fill the symbol. I stop where the arrow stands, breathing heavy. I put my hands on my misshaped knees. They are bent inward, for some odd reason.

The voices had faded when I was running, but they came back as soon as I stopped. I stood on the arrow and tried to decide whether or not to go where the arrow was pointing. I couldn’t see where it was pointing to, for it was just pitch black darkness.

The voices get louder and louder, and somewhat clearer. I fall to my knees when the voices get clear enough for my clouded mind to make out.

Fat! Pathetic! Worthless! You mean nothing! Kill yourself already! The last voice hits me harder than the stomach pains. It was mine.