Its been a week sense that night. I'll admit I dont feel any better. I just feel... numb, and kinda lonely, and my mind keeps wondering of into weird places. I keep overthinking things which is effecting me and other people. I dont wanna hurt them, or make them sad because of the way my mind is thinking. But at the same time, I cant control it. I can control if I tell them or not, and I usually always do tell them what I am thinking. But then they get sad, or scared. I hate making people feel that way, it makes me feel like i am hurting them.
I sill wonder how Chiemi is doing in her after life, or her new one. I always wonder, do we go to a heaven or hell? Or is there even a after life? Or a next? It always runs in my head. To be honest I dont believe in God. Some people look at me in odd ways when I saw that. Or dont talk to me anymore. My mom gives me this look of disgust. None of it makes sense in my head. Because I feel depressed, and want to leave this place.. God is going to bring me out of it? God is going to help me? God is going to be there for me? It doesnt make sense. Because I hurt myself isnt apart of "Gods plan he has for you". Its because of things that have happened in my life, nothing with him. If it was his "plan". Why would he make me wanna kill myself? What type of "father of humanity" is that. You make people want to take their own lives? It doesnt make sense. Why would you do that to kids like me? Why? Why would you make Chiemi take her own life? Because there is no God. It was because of me that she did that. Not some plan that these people set their lives on.
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-|my reality|- rika kawai fan fic
Short Storythis is a short story about rika kawai and her troubles with her mom and her self worth/ and harm. i am adding a little bit of my own story to this story because i can heavily relate to hers. ⚠️self harm warning- eating disorder- ⚠️
