Outsider

14/12/2001

December 2001. The heart of this season called winter. Yet on the 14th, the sun was shining, no cloud to spot in the sky. It was cold though. Extremely cold. These were the times where the Nokia 3310 was one of the most popular cellular phones on the market. This year gave us movies such as Shrek, Monsters Inc, Pearl Harbor, and Jurassic Park III. It's also the year in which I took my first breath. It was a very unstable end of the year due to the horrible events of 9/11. My mother has always told me how difficult it was bringing a child into this world with a possible WW3 peaking around the corner. I'm not going to spend too much time talking about my birth, you will laugh at me, let's just say that I've been stubborn since before I even was born. They had to basically pump me outta there because I was not planning on coming out yet. Okay, you've had your laugh, now let's move on shall we. 

Looking back at it, I sometimes wish for a do-over. But then realize that we are who we are, even if we get a do-over. I can't say that I'm a difficult kid, more stubborn as I've said before. Since day one I had to put every single thing in my mouth. I guess it was my way of exploring the world. And funny enough, I've learned quite a lot out of it. I was so innocent though, I had no idea what was happening around me. I mean, what do I expect, me being that young. For a very short period of time, my fam lived near the sea. It was peaceful and quiet. But like every other place we go to, it seems like everything is pulled towards us. Erasing the peace and quiet. But I'll elaborate on that, later in this story.

I'm going to be honest with you, I don't really know what to write about that time. I've titled this part with my birth date, yet know little about the first years. All that I know from stories is that I really love aviation. Flying in particular. So that first year of my life, we actually went on vacation. South America if I'm not mistaken. Or was it Eastern Europe? Ah, who cares really, fact still stands that I loved flying. I was always quiet, looking out the window, or sleeping. I couldn't help it, I was (and still am) so fascinated by these big metal birds. 

Alright. Enough about the beginning. Let's move forward shall we?

Can you imagine, more than 14 schools. Yes I've gone through more than 14 different schools. And  honestly it all started going downhill from day one. Imagine 2000's. Me a little kid, full of energy and quickly 'bored'. Back then, I don't know what happened in the meantime, I was very highly sensitive combined with a high IQ. Lot's of distractions, noices, impressions got to me very easily. Either putting me in a hyper mode or it would build up until I exploded. Which lead the teachers to believe that I had ADHD, ODD,  PDD-NOS, and autism. Yeah I realize that I could be very annoying to the teachers, but I was simply bored. And quite honestly, when I got bored, I really needed something to keep busy otherwise I'd get into mischief. Luckily I went to a school where I met a teacher, whom I'm still friends with to this day, that would put effort into  understanding and helping me. She wasn't like the usual (pre-)schoolteacher we all know and low key hate. But this one was different. She looked at life in a different way, less put away in a box. This woman searched for answers outside of the box. Not limiting herself to what she was told in the teacher training. Yeah that was like a little light in the darkness. A sprinkle of hope if you will.

Unfortunately, even with her help, I eventually ended up on a school for kids than are difficult to educate. Also known as pre-prison study. A lot of kids were involved in criminal activities, even at those ages. And the rest was just heading towards it. And this is where Outsider comes into play. Because that's what I was, and still feel like. I was this generally smart kid that wasn't really tough, big or aggressive. Making a really good victim of bullying. Oh yeah, I've been bullied. Years upon years. No one knows this besides the ones reading this. Not even my mother. For whatever reason I was always targeted, even by the teachers. But then again, I was still the annoying little me in the class due to my boredom. For those wondering; yes I've shot wet paperballs at the teacher with a straw. Eventually it got to a point where I wasn't even allowed to have breaks in the yard. I'd get assignments to do behind the pc, or the freedom to play some videogames. I also got put in a corner in the principals' office, a lot. He really abused me. Making me stand and face the wall for hours. Did I learn something from it? Yes. I learned how to access the general database. So one day when he was gone, I got to work and removed my name and information from the database. I have to admit, that was a checkmate move there. That's also the moment that I learned how much effect my decisions have on my life. There was so much wrong with that school. And this was just primary education. I haven't even started talking about high school. But yeah, I was on my own those years. I had no one to help or protect me. It felt like everyone was out for me. I can't say that I was scared, but I didn't feel comfortable whatsoever. There wasn't any depression present but if I didn't have a stable home situation, it would've ended much worse.