What I Regret Most

Chapter 5 (Saylor)

I drove home that day and thought about everything that had happened. This was not the way I had planned for things to go. I couldn't get Ezra out of my head. Even though I was upset with him for asking me all those questions, I wanted him to forgive me.

I walked through the door and was surprisingly greeted by dad. He normally didn't get home until six each night.

"Hey kiddo, how was your day."

"Fine, I guess. Why are you home so early?"

"Oh, I had today off. Apparently, your brother asked Rachel if he could have some friends over, and she gave him the go ahead for Friday, so be prepared" Of course he went through with it and asked Rachel. He knew how much it would kill me to see him treating her like some kind of surrogate mother.

"How do you feel about that?" I asked, maybe he would get upset.

"Well glad honestly. Lucas feels ok about asking Rachel for things. And it's one less conversation I have to deal with."

"I guess dad, I just don't want you getting attached to the idea of Lucas always thinking about Rachel as a mother figure."

"Why do you say that?" he asked, looking more confused than I thought he would be.

"He's doing it to spite me, dad."

"What?"

"He knows that I don't approve of her, and he got mad because I insulted his new friends."

"Saylor, I don't understand."

He sighed loudly and looked straight at me.

"Understand what dad?"

"Why you have such a problem with Rachel. She was telling me just this morning that there was no reason you couldn't have gone to school with her. You two were so close before. Remember? Why can't you just go back to that"

"Really dad! You expect me to get along with the women who tore this family apart. The person who you left everything for! You think I want to be in the middle of nowhere? I would rather be with mom, but she was so taken aback by the fact that you broke her heart, she left."

"Saylor, your mom made a choice. I don't exp..."

"No dad, don't condescend to me. You knew what you were doing the second you thought of Rachel as anything more than my English teacher!" I ran upstairs before he could say anything else.

The rest of the week was slow. I saw Ezra giving me glances from across the cafeteria and during the classes we had together, but he never said a word to me about anything other than school. I don't know why it bothered me so much. This was what I wanted. I'd rather people hate me and keep their distance, then get attached. Right?

I got home on Friday and almost forgot about the party. Lucas texted me a warning and reminder about two hours later saying that 'egotistical maniacs would be downstairs in fifteen minutes, and to prepare for Ezra, Dom, and Micah to spend the night.' Why Ezra? I could deal with everyone else but really, the night? I had fifteen minutes to come up with a strategy on how to avoid him until the last possible second. Sure, I felt bad for snapping at him on my first day, but it had been a week and I didn't need to apologize. His friendship shouldn't mean anything to me. I could deal with him at school. Deflecting anything personal with a discussion about homework or a lesson, but at home? How was I supposed to ignore someone who was spending the night at my house?

Five minutes later I had a plan. The boys would be in the basement, until about 11. Then the guys who were staying would be upstairs in Lucas's room. All I had to do was stay locked in my room. Once the boys were settled next door, I could go and get anything I needed from the kitchen. Rachel would bring me up a few slices of pizza, trying to be motherly or whatever. It was full proof. I just needed to use the restroom before 11 and I'd be fine. I changed into a pair of sweats and a sports bra and turned on the TV.