We Were Bound | james potter

t w e n t y s i x

chapter 26

─•~❉᯽❉~•─
prophecy
─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Although she denied any hint Lily tried to send her way that James was in love with her, Faeryn couldn't stop imagining the possibility of it being true.

Faeryn knew she was oblivious, she had been told that many times throughout her life. And no matter how hard she tried to overcome the problem, she always found she was sliding past things like a blind fish in an aquarium, oblivious to all of the people watching through the glass.

So maybe, maybe there was a possibility that he did perhaps see her as more than a friend, him being in love with her was a whole different story. But she couldn't stop herself from pondering what it would be like if he was in love with her, holding hands in the corridors, pranking each other before breakfast, whispers of 'I love you' in passing, whispers of 'I love you' while spending time during study period familiarizing the unfamiliar aspects of each other. Faeryn had been fine with her one-sided longing looks, the way her heart would speed up when he smiled at her. But now there was a sting in her chest along with the butterflies that regularly occurred when he spoke her name.

Perhaps he was in love with her. Maybe he thought of her the same way she thought of him, dreams of what-could-be keeping her in bed until she was late to herbology in an attempt to feel the faux softness of his lips against her neck. Possibly he thought of her and his chest ached in longing, his heart speeding up and his toes tingling.

But Faeryn wouldn't dare to find out.

She had already been humiliated once, and she wasn't willing to have it happen again. There was the possibility that if she even hinted her feelings to James, she would be humiliated, not necessarily by him, but by the whispers that would float past her ears in the corridors as the aftershock of her rejection. It would not happen again, she simply would not let it. If James was in love with her, he would have to do something first.

Maybe Faeryn was wrong for that, she knew that, she knew that she was flawed. Isn't everyone, though? Doesn't everyone have a lapse in judgement at some point in their lives? Even if she was wrong, at least this way she was protecting herself from any possible hurt. She had been maltreated too much throughout her life, and she was willing enough to sacrifice possible happiness with James for the reassurance that she would be secure.

Not to say that didn't kill her, it killed her to think that she could be wrong, that she could confess to him and be happy and in love like the muggle fairy tales her mother used to read to her as a child.

Maybe she would change her mind, maybe she would realize she was wrong at some point and hone in on her Gryffindor courage. But now was not that time. Now was for self-preservation.

Faeryn was all for breaking gender stereotypes, the ones where the men run the relationship and make all the moves, she was all for the idea of her going up to James in the common room and confessing, kissing him until she couldn't breathe and her lips were red and chapped. But she would not do it. She would not sacrifice herself as she had so many other times for other people. She deserved security and safety. And if James wanted to be the one that provided that for her, then he would simply have to take matters into his own hands and do it himself.

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Faeryn was thankful that she had made a decision, because it made being with James that much easier, and thankfully more enjoyable. Which was a good feat, because she was alone with James at that moment. Stuck in a broom cupboard. Thanks to her best friend Lily who she had previously loved and admired, until she slammed and locked the door with a spell that they could not unlock for the life of them, effectively causing Faeryn and James to miss their shared potions class.