Ocean Eyes • Kim Namjoon

Chapter 10: Self-Pity Party

You were surprised when you woke up the next morning to find it was almost 11. You could hear the pitter-patter of your friends packing up and starting to clean the house but you honestly couldn't will yourself out of bed. Your eyes were exhausted and puffy and you had the world's biggest headache - both a direct result from your conversation with Namjoon.

You were trying to be understanding, because really - it wasn't his fault he didn't like you like that, and it wasn't fair to put all these expectations on him. Maybe you guys should've just sat down and talked through absolutely everything in the very beginning and told each other what the kiss meant to each other. Then you wouldn't even be in this situation.

Sure, it would've made for a bit of an awkward situation but you two were adults - you could get over it. It would be better than constantly fantasizing all weekend about how much you were into him, only to be sad when it turns out that in fact, you guys were not on the same page.

"Nicely done, Y/n." You thought to yourself. "You went and made yourself all depressed again."

You groaned and furiously rubbed at your eyes, hoping that you weren't going to cry again. You just needed to last the drive home and then you can be as mopey as you want to be.

There was a soft knock at the door and your friend peaked her head in.

"Hey, sweetie. I made you some coffee. Can I come in?" You nodded and sat up. She quietly closed the door and made her way over to you. She gently sat on the side of the bed and handed you the mug. You whispered a quiet 'thank you' as you took a generous sip. "How are you holding up?"

"What do you mean?" Your heart accelerated. There's no way she knows, and if she does, that means Namjoon told her. And if Namjoon told her, that makes you a bigger joke than you already were.

"Namjoon was very distressed this morning. He didn't really say what happened, but he eluded that you might've been upset. So what's up?" You groaned and cursed him. He always has to be the nice guy and save your dignity. It wasn't really helping with making you stop caring for him if you're honest.

"What's there to know? He took my heart and threw it on the ground." You know you were being a touch dramatic, but it's the first (and frankly, probably last) time you'd talk to someone about this. You're more the type of person to bottle up your true emotions and deal with it internally so as to not bother anyone else. A very unhealthy and stressful way to handle problems if you do say so yourself, but you haven't been able to stop yet.

"Are you sure it's not one giant misunderstanding?" You couldn't help but roll your eyes.

"Of course it's not a misunderstanding. He said, and I quote 'I'm tired of pretending how I feel about you.' How am I supposed to take it any other way?" Your friend frowned and started rubbing your arm - which you appreciated. It helped ground you and prevent tears from falling.

"I'm sorry babe... I really thought he was going to be different." You nodded.

"It's not your fault. I got my hopes up and I was being delusional. Maybe this is a sign that I'll never find anyone and should start adopting homeless obese cats instead." Your friend laughed slightly, and you chuckled too.

"Of course you'll find someone. There's someone for everyone. Look, if Kanye West can find someone to deal with all of his crazy, then you can too - easily!" She was trying to make you feel better, you know she was. But that comment deflated you a bit.

"But I don't want someone," You said, your voice almost getting caught in your throat as you tried not to cry. "I want him."

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