Ocean Eyes • Kim Namjoon

Chapter 11: Finally Communicating

You were absorbed with the feeling of Namjoon's lips on yours for a minute before you realized that you really should not be kissing him after everything that happened. That thought was like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you and you suddenly snapped out of your trance.

You put your hands on his chest and pushed him away, hard. He looked shocked but his eyes softened when he saw the fragile state you were in.

"No." You said firmly. All the words he had said to you over the weekend (especially the ones he said last night) were swirling around in your head. Every time you thought of him saying 'You're ridiculous' and 'I'm tired of pretending how I feel about you' it felt like a new dagger stabbing into your heart. "No." You repeated, but you didn't know if it was more for him or for you.

"Y/n?" His voice cracked and your heart broke. You hated how badly you wanted to hug him and forgive him, but you couldn't. You had to stick to your guns, no matter how broken he looked and sounded.

"No. You can't just come over here after everything you've done and kiss me like everything is okay. It's not okay Joon." You couldn't help yourself as you started to cry. You were so mad at showing him how weak and vulnerable you were. Namjoon put his hands on your waist as a way to try to calm you down, but it just made you cry more hysterically. "I'm not okay."

"Y/n, I really think we need to talk."

"No!" You shouted. "The last time we talked, you broke my heart. I don't know if I can take any more of this." You didn't mean to spout out word vomit but you were just so mad and annoyed and emotional, you couldn't help it. He brought out the best and the worst in you.

"I broke your heart? Y/n, you left me all alone last night and would barely even look at me today! Do you know how you made me feel? Especially after I told you how I felt about you." You scoffed, and the tears were borderline unstoppable now.

"Oh, I'm sorry for not wanting to be around you after you told me that you've been pretending how you feel about me this entire weekend. What was I supposed to say?" His eyes darkened and you could tell he was getting angry and frustrated as well.

"Oh well gee, I don't know Y/n. Maybe that you felt the same?" You felt your nostrils flare with absolute rage and you grabbed his wrists and threw his hands off of your waist because how dare he.

"So you wanted me to lie just so you could feel better about using me just like everyone else does? Well I'm sorry for being selfish and wanting something more for once in my life!" You were screaming, and you knew you were going to wake up in the morning with a passive aggressive note on your door and a text from your downstairs neighbour about it. But you couldn't bring yourself to care because Namjoon was being a moronic asshole right now and he was making you more mad than you've been in a long time.

"I wasn't using you! If anything, you were using me!" That sobered you up a bit (but not a lot - you were still mad as heck but you weren't going to yell.)

"What the fuck are you talking about."

"Oh come on, you think I didn't clue in? I mean, you didn't want to tell our friends about us, and you insisted on being secretive. I put my heart on the line for you and you broke it."

"I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to have to explain to everyone what happened when you got tired of me!" That sobered him up apparently, because his eyes no longer looked angry. Instead, he looked confused. You on the other hand were back to crying hysterically.

"What do you mean 'when I get tired of you' Y/n?" You sniffled and tried to steady your voice.

"It's happened before, and it was bound to happen again." He put his hands on your cheeks and started wiping your tears with his thumbs and you were just too exhausted to stop him.