GONE (The Hunger Games)

Always and Another Two Words

I’m shocked into silence. Lavinia. They killed Lavinia, and in such a horrifying way. I am totally petrified. Why? Why would they kill her?! She hasn’t done anything wrong recently, then why? Her body is all limp now, quite unlike the second the electric shot zapped her, her body jerked straight up, a bright white light rushing through her whole body. Her red hair has all turned to coal black, and fallen off into little tiny ashes. 

I can hardly breathe. Johanna is looking at her, screaming in shock and worry. I can hear Annie and Enobaria shouting out, asking what has happened as they only heard Lavinia, not saw.

As the peacekeepers exited her cell, and walked pass mine, in the spur of the moment I ran towards the front of my cell, and lunged to the bars, my arms desperately trying to grab the peacekeepers and inflict any harm on them that was possible for killing a girl who was already suffering enough from the lack of her OWN TONGUE! 

The metal bars hit hard against my chest, knocking all the wind out of it, but despite me wheezing for breath, my arms still fail around, grabbing at their uniforms and arms, clawing at them with my slightly grown nails. 

They are taken by surprise by my sudden movement, but quickly grab my wrists and twist them. 

I shriek out in the pain as my sprained wrists are shoved back in my cell by the peacekeepers. They come into my cell, and slap me across my face many times, hard. Once they are done they walk out, and I see, much to dismay, that the only thing I was really able to do to them was make a small dirty smear on their white uniforms from my filthy hands- and them, painful bruises on my face and warm blood bubbling in my mouth. 

Johanna eyes me sadly, and says, “They’re terrible. The Capitol. So so bad, evil, corrupt. They’re heatless slime balls, every single one of them. Going off trying to stop the rebellion-”, but her hating rant is cut off by me, screaming at her.

“NO! NO NO NO NO NO! THEY ARE NOT WRONG! YOU UNDERSTAND ME! NEVER! THE CAPITOL IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. THEY SHOULD STOP THE WAR! The-these rebels, yes, these rebels have brainwashed you into thinking they are right. But no, no they are so wrong, it’s President Snow who’s doing the right thing. Not the idiots who’ve decided to hole up together in District 13!”  

I scream out in frustration as I realise the words I just said. The capitol-mind is making me think bad again, taking over my brain more and more. My hands clamp tightly around my ears, trying to block the words out, but it’s pointless really- the words are my own thoughts in my own brain. My nails dig into the sides of my head, and I stagger over to the wall, banging my head hard against it, trying to stop the wrong thoughts consuming my right ones, but to no avail, except for a even more bruised and cut head now. 

Why? Why Peeta, are you beating yourself up? Is it this? These thoughts, these right thoughts? But, these are good, not wrong, no need to beat yourself up for it!

But I just scream out more, yelling out for the voice to stop and go away. Far far away. 

Coincidently it works, and the voice fades away for a few moments, and I regain my self. I look over at Johanna, opening my mouth to start the apologies, but the look in her eyes stops me short. Her mouth is agape, and she is looking at me in utmost horror, sadness and shock drowning her eyes.  

“The-they, they brainwashed you! The Ca-capitol! They’ve taken over you brain!?” She stutters. “THEY’RE CONTROLLING YOU!” She roars out. 

I just nod my head limply, too exhausted to say anything.   

“S-so that’s why you kept on muttering to yourself. You were trying to fight those thoughts off.” She says, realisation dawning on her. 

I just nod my head ashamedly, even though there’s nothing for me to be ashamed of. I didn’t have the tracker jackers serum injected in me willingly, after all.  

Johanna takes a shuddering breath, and shakes her head defeatedly, before turning her back to me, and looking at the blank wall of her cell. 

Oh, why am I in this cell!? I am supporting the Capitol! I shouldn’t be locked up like this, honestly! But- yes, of course, Snow would want me in here to keep an eye out on the prisoners, see if they have anything to say about the stupid rebellion. Ha! Snow is so smart, good thing I’m supporting him, smart people are always right. 

I feel the Capitol-mind creeping in onto my thoughts again, like poisonous acid slowly but steadily destroying everything in it’s wake. I’m sure I would have still been thinking these thoughts if it hadn’t been for that one word that triggered some little thing within my brain, and snapped me out of my Capitol-mind. That word, it was something I said to Katniss about only a month ago, but seems like a lifetime now. It was a promise when she asked me to stay with her, and I broke it, and neither am I capable physically to redeem my broken promise, and now, slowly, I’m going to be mentally incapable to be with her either. The one small word:

Always.

But my Capitol-mind also has two simple words for her…

KILL KATNISS