Apparently, I'm Dead

Chapter Twenty-Five

Listen to this song^^^^. Taylor Louderman's voice is absolutely gorgeous, and the song is really amazing and sad. 

Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or MCGA.

PERCY

It's a giant squirrel.

I blink. Am I seeing this right? Judging by the harsh breaths taken in by my friends next to me, it's not a good thing. But squirrels aren't scary. They're actually kind of cute.

And this one is a giant ball of fluff. It seems adorable. Until I catch a glimpse of its eyes. They are too intelligent, too cold and cruel to not be a monster.

"What is it?" I whisper. "It can't actually be a squirrel, right?"

"No," Magnus says, slowly, fearfully. "It's a squirrel all right." He takes a deep breath in. "Its name is Ratatosk."

The squirrel opens its mouth, revealing its sharp teeth. I snap the cap off of Riptide at the same time that Sam screams, "Cover your ears!"

I hurry to drop Riptide and do as Sam says, but before I can, a horrible noise comes out of the squirrel's mouth.

I have swam in the rivers of the Cocytus. I have heard the wailing voices of the Acheron, listing my sins, telling me I deserved to die.

Nothing could prepare me for the insults that were voiced by Ratatosk.

It doesn't start out too bad. It's little comments like, 'Your shoes don't match your shirt,' or 'Your hair is so messy.' Stuff a half-blood can't care about if they care about survival.

Then it gets a little worse. 'Idiot,' they call me, 'Bastard child.' It bothers me, but not too much, since I'm used to it.

But then the voices start sounding like people I know- or knew.

'Traitor!' they whisper. 'Liar!'

'You promised you would save me!' Bianca's voice hisses. 'You should have died instead! You left Nico alone. He could have died. Do you want to kill everyone in my family?'

'Oh, sister dear,' Nico sighs, sounding disappointed. 'Don't you know? He gets everyone around him killed. You shouldn't get too close.'

"No!" I choke out. "No, Bianca! Nico! I swear, I didn't mean to! Don't- It's not my fault!"

'Lies!' Zoe's voice shrieks. 'You could have saved me, boy! If you hadn't been so weak, so useless, I would still be alive.'

"Zoe?" I ask the air. "How could I have saved you? I would have if I could, I promise!"

'You let me die,' Leo whispers. 'The prophecy said storm or fire, and you didn't step up.'

"But you-!" I begin to protest.

'It doesn't matter!' he snarls, sounding very un-Leo-like. 'What if I wasn't able to come back? What if the Physician's Cure didn't work? What if Festus had malfunctioned? I would be dead, and all because you didn't want the responsibility of being the savior again.'

Hand lash out at me through the fog of my mind, and I wail and smack them away. "Don't hurt me!" I plead. "I swear, I try my hardest to save everyone, but I just can't do it!"

'You should have saved me,' comes a voice that I know as well as my own. A voice that normally fills me with happiness, but now only serves to make me curl in on myself, trying, trying, trying to get away from her disappointed voice, trying not to feel like the world, or all nine, is (or are) crumbling beneath me. 'The Valkyrie was already there. If I hadn't had to throw my knife to save you from that snake, I would've died with a weapon. I would've gone to Valhalla, too!' she snarls.

"Please," I whimper, cringing at how weak I sound. "Please leave me alone."

'Leave you alone!' Annabeth's voice sounds creully amused. 'Listen, everyone! He wants us to leave him alone!'

Laughter rings inside my head, mocking and horrible. It's loud, so loud, and I can't think, and I know all these voices, and some of them I know innately(I disappointed them how can I forgive myself how can they forgive me), and some of them I can't place(why don't I know them I should know them I failed people I don't know).

A finger touches my forehead. I cringe backwards. "No, don't touch me!" The finger remains, growing hotter. My mind immediately flashes to Loki, his hand burning my arm. "No, stop it PLEASE!" I scream, batting away the hand. "Please, please stop!"

'You don't deserve to be left alone, Perseus Jackson. You deserve to be left in Tartarus for all you've failed to do, all of us you've failed to save, all of us you disappointed,' rings out the voices of all of them together. Their words burrow into my brain, finding every nook and cranny until my whole head echoes with admonishments and venomous words and disappointment and failure and awful, awful laughter-

"PERCY, SNAP OUT OF IT!"

A sharp pain stings my cheek. Air rushes into my lungs as I gasp for air. My eyes snap open. When did I close them? I don't remember doing that. My vision is blurry for a few seconds before I realize that my eyes are filled with tears. I shake my head furiously, trying to dry my eyes.

I blink. Magnus's face comes into view. I cower backwards, sure that it's just an illusion, that at any moment his face will twist into a scowl and he'll start spitting words that burn like acid.

His eyebrows furrow. "Hey, Percy. It's okay. It's fine. I don't know what Ratatosk told you, but none of it is true. You're okay."

He reaches out a hand to help me to my feet, and after a moment's hesitation where I eye his hand warily, I take his hand and stand up.

Alex pats me on the back. "You okay, man?" she asks.

I take a moment to breathe in deeply, completely dry my tears, and shove my emotions deep, deep down inside me. Then I plaster on an obviously fake smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Alex looks like she definitely doesn't believe me, but she pretends she does anyway. "Alright. You wanna grab a piece of that leaf?" She points out a leaf that is fairly close to where we are standing.

"Sure," I reply, a bit dazedly. "I'll do that." I blink a couple of times, trying to make sure that this is real, that I'm not in the squirrel induced hate-spewing fog. That, gods forbid, I'm not still in Tartarus, my mind being played with by the hell for things too evil to get into hell.

Please let this be real.

Thanks,

ATOTALMUSICALNERD