In Each And Every Birth: Chapter I

Prologue - So Happy

Character 1

I see them both, on top of the desert dune, falling into each other's embrace. A female fox with sort of a dark, amber colour across her back in a scarlett red dress, swaying across with the wind. A White Siberian Husky in a white T-neck shirt and a light blue checkered scarf spiralling across his neck, wearing thin white and grey pants and pushing alongside her. They both have smiles plastered across their face, stretching from each side of the cheek. Their eyes, glaring into one another, glistening by the reflection of the falling sun. 

They pull each other in. Muzzles collide, a soft touch that travels for distances as they accept each other's passion, above the dune of the shining sunset. It feels as if their bodies and minds have become one. And then it was my cue...

"CUT!" I scream across with my handheld megaphone.

Bummer

The two actors pull away from each other and move down the dune towards the set and film team as I wave across to the cinematographer. Some crew members already bringing out water from the coolers. 

The cinematographer and the directive assistant are pulling up the footage for a rewatch. I walk across to the set through the array of scattered equipment. We rewatch the scene for a final check, and that moment draws me in again, powerful and hypnotizing, and just... perfect.

"Shit" I mumble, snapping myself out of the haze, "there's a small flare on the bottom right," I notice. "We're going to have to cover up the reflection and do it one more time, someone please- ah fuck," the ambience is too dark for the scene now, and the sun has given its regards.

"Okay everybody, time to pack up. We'll finish this tomorrow" I shout across clapping my paws and swirling them to signal the closure of today. From the producers, cinematographers, assistants and costume designers, everyone immediately starts to pack up. They start closing down cameras, light panels and foldable equipment, storing them in their heavy cabinet-sized containers to load into the truck.

"Deno" the producer calls me from behind. She's a grey cat with hints of purple on her which are very prominent when the scorching light reflects off her fur as she runs towards me. She usually struggles with simplistic tasks regarding anything to do with technical aspects. 

"How about you try turning it off and on again" I exclaim across,

"Shut up" she chuckles as I walk towards the truck with the equipment and she signals to me for a private talk. I do as she asks, passing on the equipment to another crew member and moving to the side.

"Hey," she says with a sigh trying to catch her breath.

"How are you Amy?" I reply trying to overcome the loud sounds of the containers being moved beside the truck and the wind being blown straight into my ears.

"Decent, just finishing up some paperwork Helen asked for. Done packing up!?" she questions, also trying to overcome the noise. 

"Almost, just droppin' of the equipment in the containers, then I'll take a leave" I reply. The noise of the containers fades away allowing us to indulge in a more peaceful conversation. 

"Dude, you've done enough the entire day today. You must be burning, take a leave now I'll look over," She informs me. She always uses exaggerated vocabulary and hand gestures to get her point across, sometimes overtly so, but it made her seem much more argumentative then she ever was.

"Oh no, c'mon it's fine I'll help-" She cuts me off, 

"Shut up, you've worked your ass off today, so just fuck off and get some rest. Don't want your grubby attitude tomorrow" she smirks. I look at her displeased for a moment before chuckling alongside. "It's fine, trust me, take a leave, I'll carry on," she puts her paw on my shoulder. "Just go get some rest, or I'll fire you" she chuckles patting me on my back and walking towards the set. 

"If you insist" I raise my paws into the air, and make my way towards my car. 

A deep sigh escapes as I check myself back into my life, scrolling through my notifications and replying to all the daily messages. I quickly check the scheduling with the editors before placing my phone on another round of 'do not disturb'.

I get in my car, the pressure from my feet lifting off into a satisfying sensation.

We are in a desert filming the scene, 

scalding

I have made some films in different climates and weather conditions before but this one was a bit more close to home. 

The air conditioner is a lifesaver, cooling down the humid and suffocating environment that left me breathless before I drive back to my hotel.

I check maps to load the directions for my 1 hour and 10-minute journey to the hotel.

'6:59' reads the clock.

I look at the rearview mirror, adjusting it to see a reflection of me staring back, allowing me to judge myself. My fur looks pretty fluffy granted I have been out for hours. It's pretty well maintained overall, dark blue like the ocean's depth draws one in. But now, with the hints of light blue and black stretched across, I appreciate that contrast more, I appreciate my fur more

I appreciate myself more.

I look down at myself, my bulged-out stomach igniting another sigh of insecurity which I quickly shove away.

My head turns to the window and my eyes lock at the sunset. The beautiful sunset splashes a layer of orange across anything in its presence. I get drawn in again to the disappearing day, the warm embrace of the scene, the moment of happiness on top of the dune. I'm locked in a fantasy, reminiscing about it, even though it's not there.

I snap myself out of my own thoughts, as one does frequently. 

I can't be thinking of that. 

I force my eyes away from the sunset and try to make myself move on from the thoughts in my head, but it's hard to once you've already started thinking. That's why I didn't want to do this in the first place. Amy suggested it but I could already see myself down this spiral. I should've said no but I really thought I could escape it and turn away from what happened.

No

I smack the buttons of the radio until I hear a tune I like, a melody that gives me enough energy to make it to the end of this ride. Something enough to distract me from my current intrusions and make my lips start to sway with the music. 

I grab the steering wheel and let out another sigh. This time of relief. My foot hits the pedal and the car slowly accelerates out of the empty parking. I give one final wave to Amy as I exit the vicinity of her vision. Under the soft, fake, breeze of the air conditioner swaying across my fur, my paws stuck to the steering wheel, and my eyes lightly shut. Under my soft breath which makes the fur beneath my muzzle tickle. Under the light of the coming dusk.

But as I try to focus on the moment, his voice still lingers.

Echoing remembrances of his sound, again and again.

Over and over like a parasite consuming my mind.

The only thing I don't want to hear.

Him