the words we never say

thirteen

After an hour of frustrated contemplating, Sean finally went upstairs with the full intention of making it up to Kaycee. When he reached the door to the guest room  she stayed that night, he noticed his dog Oreo laying on the floor guarding the door to the room. Sean stooped down and petted her.

"She's really mad at me huh?" Sean asked as he looked at Oreo who barked at him in reply, "Come on, you can't be mad at me too."

Sean sighed as he stood up straight and knocked on Kaycee's door.

"Kayc, it's me. I'm really sorry for what I did back there." Sean pleaded. "May I come in? Please let me in."

He was at the edge of defeat. He rested his head on the door and quietly listened for any sound that might indicate Kaycee being on the other side.

"Let's talk this out Kayc. Please just let me see you. I just want to talk." He clenched his eyes shut. This was my fault. I did this to myself. She doesn't deserve this.

To his surprise, after a few moments of deep breathing, Kaycee silently replied, "It's open Sean."

Gathering his courage, Sean took a deep breath and came in. The room was dim with only the light coming from the streetlights outside illuminating the room. She had the windows open, Sean noted, she could get a cold. He took a few long strides to the windows and closed them shut before looking back at where Kaycee was laying. She had her back turned to him, on the farthest side of the bed from where he's standing. She was huddled in a blanket facing the wall.

Kaycee laid there curled in a ball trying to fight the tears from streaming. She felt hurt, confused, and alone. When she usually felt this way Sean was the first person she would call. Who will she turn to now? Thoughts came rushing into her head about these past weeks. Sean's changing.

Sean crossed the room and stood by the side of the bed. Kaycee felt the bed dip, he laid down next to her facing the ceiling, fingers interlocking and positioned on top of his stomach.

"I'm sorry. It was my fault." Sean whispered, eyes still focussed at the ceiling. He can't stand to look at the hurt in her eyes much longer. Kaycee's breath became uneven but she did not move a muscle. He sighed, "I'll be here. I'll wait until you're ready to talk."

The room grew quiet but was far from being still. The only sound to be heard was the ticking of the clock and the rustling of the trees because of the wind. It might rain, Sean thought. In the silence, Sean could hear their breathing and their heartbeats. He swore that both of their hearts were in a rhythmic sync. He hoped they were.

"Why'd you do it Sean?" Kaycee broke the stillness with a whisper.

"I wanted it to be me Kayc." he silently answered, eyes still focussed at the ceiling, no longer caring about what will happen next.

Kaycee shifted to his side, her forehead almost touching his arm. "What?"

Sean turned his head to look at her, this was it, she needed to know now.

"I like you. Maybe I've had for a long time but I just realized it now. It makes sense Kayc. How even before I was protective of you and then connor came along and I'm feeling like shit again and I just..." Sean rambled, frustration evident on his face.

Kaycee stiffened. "Again? What do you mean again?"

Sean fully turned his body to her this time, her head just below his chin. She's hugging her knees, she's feeling scared.

"Remember when you were working on Brat and I came to visit you on set?" Sean took a deep breath when Kaycee nodded her head in understanding. "You were still filming a scene then. I was at the tables with the lunch I packed for the both of us. Connor sat in front of me and we talked. He asked me about you, asked if we were together. It caught me off guard Kayc."

"Caught you off guard? What makes that so difficult sean?" Kaycee asked with a slight hitch in her voice. This was it she thought, Sean would say how he only sees her as a bestfriend, as a sister even. "This is ridiculous. you didn't like him for me Sean? Is that it? I hate to break it to you but you have no say on who I hang out with. Or is it because you're tired of people asking that over and over again? Don't worry sean we'll make it clear to them next time."

"It's the oposite Kaycee." Sean admitted in a strained hush. "It struck me how I wanted to be with you then. How I wanted to be more with you. And so being the idiot that I am I said that we are in a relationship for Connor to back off. But then I realized my mistake, got scared, and never thought about it again."

She looked at him incredulously,  "You cant do that Sean. I've been hung up on you for so long. I-" Kaycee took a deep breath to steady her emotions, tears blurring her vision as a she looked at him. "I've liked you for so long. When I heard at Bailey's party that you could see me nothing more than a sister, I realized that I can't keep chasing after you and hoping that maybe one day you'll feel the same way as I do. Then Connor he, he came and I'm giving him a chance Sean."

Sean took a shallow breath, head still processing everything despite his heart going haywire. Tears started to fall from Kaycee's eyes and that is when Sean realized how hurt and confused she is.

So despite of his heart screaming for him to tell Kaycee to give him a chance and be with him. He gave her a sad smile and reached out to her, cupping her cheek and wiping her tears.

"I wont get in the way of your happiness anymore Kayc. You deserve to be happy."

"I seriously dont know what I feel about all of this. I'm mad at you for making me feel this way because this is just so unfair Sean! But I don't want to lose you. You're too important for me to lose." Kaycee whispered, her voice hoarse and unsteady.

"Hey, you'll never lose me. I'd still be here." Waiting, Sean added silently.

Silence enveloped them. Sean tried to hold back his tears. His worst fear, hurting Kaycee, came true. He had been unknowingly hurting her all these years. He should've noticed her hurt. He should've treated her better. He was took out of his thoughts when Kaycee drew a jagged breath.

"I think I need time alone to think this through." Kaycee said as she slowly got up. She needed time to weigh in on everything and she can't do that when Sean is laying next to her and she's having an internal battle with her head and her heart.

"You're going home? It's very late please let me take you home Kayc." Sean quickly got up and fumbled for his car keys.

Kaycee looked at him sadly and hesitated.

"Come on Kayc. I'm not letting you Uber." he insisted.

"Okay."

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The car ride to Kaycee's house was palpably quiet. When they arrived, Sean offered to walk her to her doorstep. He doesn't know when he will see her again so he's taking all the excuses he could make to have more time with her. When they reached her door step, Kaycee slowly turned around to look at him.

"Goodbye Sean, take care on your way back." She said not having the courage to meet his eyes.

"See you later Kayc." Sean took his time memorizing her face. He's not saying goodbye to her. He'll be with her soon, he's just giving her time.

Kaycee took a deep breath and swiftly looked at him then she turned to open the door and quietly got in her house. Sean stood there for a minute, rooted at her doorstep, just staring at the closed door.

"I'm not giving up on us Kaycee. I'll make this right."

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a/n

hello :) i'm really sorry if the development is slow. and wow it warms my heart to see people actually reading this hahaha. anyways enjoy you guys!