No.
No.
No no no no no no...
That night Sean paced back and forth in his room. The realization of maybe liking Kaycee was starting to settle and it made his head hurt.
Maybe I'm just overthinking this? He thought for the hundredth time. Maybe I just missed being with her too much that it lead me to feel this way and I just really really like her?
Well, if you really really like her then does that mean you like-like her? Sean contradicted himself incredulously.
He groaned in frustration and slammed himself to his bed just wanting for sleep to wash over him. But few minutes in and his mind was still racing together with his heart. His mind then came up with a solution, it's not the perfect one but it's a start. Sean took his phone and dialled Julian's number.
"This better be an emergency because what the fuck Sean it's 4 am." Julian said groggily as he answered Sean's call.
"JulesIthinkIsortamaybelikeKaycee but I'm not sure though." Sean spoke hurriedly as he placed his arm over his eyes to somehow hide the blush creeping in on his face.
"You what? You gotta be clear Sean." At the other side of the call Julian sat up as he gave his full attention to Sean. He knows that when Sean gets stressed he would go on and on until he found a resolution somehow.
"I think I have feelings for Kaycee," he sighed, "and I mean feelings feelings."
"Really?" Julian asked giddily "And when did you realize these feelings feelings?"
"Believe it or not, just today. But I'm still not sure if it's a solid feeling you know?" Sean looked at the ceiling and smiled, recalling their drive back from Disneyland.
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The sun was beginning to set when they left Disneyland, painting the sky soft tones of yellow, pink, and orange. Sean had his car windows down and they were jamming to the music that was blasting on his stereo. There was nothing unusual to this scenario since he would almost always drive Kaycee home and they would jam to whatever song that would play. Kaycee belted out the last line to the song making him look at her and laugh. His breath hitched. There was something with how the sun shone golden on her hair and face giving her features a delicate glow. This is not possible, Sean thought, how can someone be so beautiful and carefree at the same time? Sean noted on how the colors in her eyes changed again with the green in them showing more under the sun.
"Sean watch the road, you're gonna get us killed you goof." Kaycee laughed as she reached out her hand to shove Sean's face to look at the direction of the road.
Sean took her hand and held it, looking straightforward and smiled.
"Well, you're my ride or die Kayc." He offered her a quick glance and a dimpled smile.
———————————————————————
"With all that you felt and said you're still not sure?!" Julian screamed at him over the phone.
"Well I don't know don't come at me Jules. I've never felt this way before I have to be sure it's not a spur in the moment thing." Sean reasoned out defending himself.
"I can't tell you much Sean since only you yourself can actually know how you feel. But from what I'm hearing, you're in love with her bro there's no denying there." Julian smiled. He wished he could see Sean's face when the realization of being in love with Kaycee dawns on his face. Damn Josh is gonna be rich, he realized, thinking back to the time him, Josh, and Bailey placed bets on Sean and Kaycee getting together. Well, it's more of Bailey not wanting any part of the bet and him and Josh milking money out of each other but hey it's happening.
"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry for keeping you up Jules. Yeah, goodnight man." Sean nodded sombrely after ending the call.
The call with Julian made him realize how he might be in love with Kaycee, for real this time. But he shouldn't be. She'll push me away if she finds out, Sean tightly shut his eyes, she won't trust me ever again. I can't lose her.
"I can't risk it." He finally said as he stood up and took out his journal and pen from his desk drawer. He then hurriedly went back to his bed and sat cross-legged. With eyes in deep concentration he wrote,
10 reasons why I should not fall for Kaycee
1. She's my bestfriend. Too much risk
2. She always beats me at cards and games. (Her victory dance is getting annoying.)
3. She'd wake up at random hours in the morning and send me memes. (But then she'd complain to me when I call her at random hours of the night.)
4. She's very indecisive.
5. She likes cucumbers.
6. She's always either tired around me or annoyed because of me.
7. She likes to boss me around.
8. She smiles a lot, always too happy, her laugh is annoying it's cute.
9. She's very insecure (which is stupid because she has nothing to be insecure about)
10. She deserves someone better. Someone not scared of his own feelings and someone who can own up to her.
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"aww cute..."
Sean woke up to someone sitting on the side of his bed giggling like a maniac. His mind was still foggy at first making him even more confused.
"Reason number 7, Kaycee likes to boss me around. But you like her bossing you around Sean what's the big deal." Serris laughed so hard when she went inside his room and found his journal containing his list beside him on his bed.
"Don't read that!" Sean made a lunge over Serris resulting to them toppling over the floor and wrestling for the notebook. "What are you even doing here in my room Serris?"
"Mom said to wake you up for breakfast dummy." Serris struggled to get a hold of Sean.
"What's going on you guys?" Sarah came in shocked at the scene, Sean being pinned down by Serris as she held his journal high in the air. "You're not kids anymore jeez. It's 8 in the morning and you're wrestling like a bunch of seven year olds." Sarah plucked the notebook from Serris' hand and looked at what all the commotion was about.
"But didn't you say her smile makes everything better and that they're like rainbows?" Sarah gleefully asked Sean with Serris laughing obnoxiously loud in the background. "Why did you need to make this list anyway?"
Sean groaned and pushed Serris off of him. There's no escaping his sisters now.
"I like her. Are you guys happy now?" Sean snatched his notebook back from Sarah and went to his desk to keep it safe.
"I knew it! Now go and tell her you love her, she'll say she loves you too, and you guys will be the ultimate Sean and Kaycee." Serris urged him.
"You can't know that Serris." Sean looked at her seriously. "I can't be with her because I'm not good enough. She needs someone who can make her happy and someone who's willing to risk years of friendship. Someone who's not afraid to tell her that he loves her and that he has been in love with her for a long time now but he just realized it recently. I can't be that guy."
Sarah looked at Serris, silently asking her to leave him be since it's not their place to tell him about Kaycee's feelings. Serris badly wanted to tell Sean how wrong he was but she kept it inside. One day, she thought, he'll eat his words.
"Okay, that's enough heavy drama for now. Sean, you are a really great person with the biggest heart and the most beautiful soul. I hope you know that. Kaycee knows that too. Do you think she'd still be your bestfriend if you aren't?" Sarah consoled Sean as she hugged him. "Now come on Lewsers, Mom's gonna be furious if we keep them waiting for breakfast."
Serris could only give Sean an encouraging nudge as they walked together out of his room. Sean smiled at her and nudged her back. If only you knew Sean, Serris sighed.
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a/n
oop, it's an update. i miss them...
is the flow of the story frustrating or confusing? i'm sorry lol, still new to this haha
enjoy with this i guess :)
with love,
s
YOU ARE READING
the words we never say
Fanfiction• a sean and kaycee (short) fanfiction • she always wanted to tell him how she felt. but she's scared of what will happen after she does. he's not as clueless of his feelings compared to what their family and friends might think. he's just contented...
