HAVEN

Chapter 11

-Present-

 "... I picked up the phone and read the caller id cringing "Mother."I pressed ignore and threw my phone on the mattress and headed outside, deciding on taking a walk."

I walked around the block for an hour and so, My head was racing with memories just like always and I could feel myself growing tired as I dragged my feet and dodged people not bothering to look up from the pavement. 

I decided on making my way back to the apartment knowing that Harry and Liam should be home by now and could offer me some company. I walked for another 15 minutes and I was starting to spot the apartment complex. I sighed.

What am I even doing here? he doesn't like me, I am a burden. No haven, not now. stop.

I shook the thoughts and crossed the street not bothering to look out for any cars, I was passed that. I took the elevator up and made me way to the apartment's door. I jiggled with the knob, and luckily it was open just as I left it.

I left the door open.God, Haven, you stupid bitch.

I shrugged and entered the apartment. "Eh... Liam won't know about that" I mumbled

"what won't I find about? and where the hell were you?" Liam's voice startled me

I turned to face him " Liam, I just_

"What are you hiding?" Liam interrupted

"I'm not hiding anything, I just went out for a walk and left the do_

"Did you start cutting again, left up your shorts?" he groaned  and started to make his way towards. I could hear him mumbling curses under his breath. 

After my suicide attempt, I was getting more and more depressed and cutting helped. It made me feel alive. The burn it left on my skin gave me the sense of control.  I would always cut up and down my inner thighs so it won't be as noticeable, 

"Haven, show me now!" Liam's voice boomed through the apartment and he grabbed my wrist harshly

"I'm not cutting for fucks sake!  I was just out for a walk, get the hell away from me!" I swatted his arm away and made my way to the guest room. My face now flushed with anger.

"Prove it. show me NOW!" he yelled in response.

"No..n.no" I mumbled over and over feeling myself growing emotional "I don't need this.I don't need you of  all people to doubt me!" I seethed and I could feel tears making their way down my cheeks. 

Liam's harsh gaze softened and he tried to reach out for me but I shrugged him off and started making my way to the guest room.

"I'm so sor_

I slammed the door not wanting to hear anymore. I flopped on the bed and exhaled shakily, I could feel my body starting to give up. I could feel depression crawling up my spine.

you can't even handle a single argument, you're pathetic. He will give up on you one day, just like your mother did. the voice taunted 

I hugged my knees tight to my chest as my body shook. I cried for god knows how long ignoring Liam's attempts to unlock the door, I then climbed into the bed and closed my eyes hoping I would fall asleep and never wake up.