Just me, Lydia.

Fix This

I mentally stab myself over and over again. The voices in my head have a repeating pattern of ruining my life. I shouldn't have listened to them. I crossed out the pictures because I thought it would save Stiles. Not hurt him. But what do I know.

I sob so hard I can barely breathe. The door opens. "Go away." I look over and Kira sits beside me.

"You know that I hate listening to you." She rubs my back. "I'm sure you can fix this." I shake my hand and put my head in her lap. "Well, if you really can't, you should still talk to him about it. He probably thinks you hate him. Maybe he's in as much pain as you are."

"That's impossible. Nobody can feel as bad as I feel now." She shrugs and pulls my hair behind my ear.

"Suit yourself." She stands up and I pull her back down.

"Fine. What do I say?"

I hear the smile through her voice. "Tell him how you feel."

"I can't." My hand shakes and Kira grabs it.

"You can."

10 minutes later, I'm sitting on the lacrosse benches. Waiting for Stiles Stilinski to finish practice. Coach blows the final whistle and I wave to Stiles. The cutest player there is.

He jogs over to me, taking his mask and gloves off. Stiles sits next to me and silence wraps a blanket around us.

"I did it to you. I crossed out the pictures. I don't know why. I'm sorry. But we can't be together. The voices tell me to do these things and I just do it. I can't stop myself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm--so sorry. It hurts me more than you know."

"Lydia. Do you seriously think I care about you crossing out my pictures? Sure--the mom one kind of hurt. But I don't care at all. It's no big deal. I love you so much. Who even cares about it?"

"I do. I see myself hurting you in the future. And that's not alright with me." He grabs my hand.

"Please stay with me. I don't care what I have to do. You mean too much to me, Lyds. Really."

I shake my head. "I can't. I just can't. I knew you wouldn't understand. You never understand." I let go of his hand and kiss the corner of his mouth. "I loved you." And I'm gone.