The aftermath

You're ok

⚠️TW: S£LF H4RM⚠️

Kokichi's POV

Shutupshutupshutupshutup, just make it stop already, I want it to stop, I don't want to keep being reminded of...that damned press..

I can't stop scratching at myself, it hurts, I want to stop but I can't, it's the only thing distracting me from visualising the press, the thing I dreaded most.

It hurt, so fucking much, I'd been given a heater instead of blankets, I couldn't stand the feeling of something being on top of me, I hated it, I hate it so much..

After what happened in the virtual world with...miu...and..gonta I can't stand looking at them, I don't want to look at them in the face, I can't, it's impossible without being reminded about what I did, the stupid things I did, I was selfish, i didn't deserve to wake up again, I wish I had just stayed dead-..

I could hear the sound of a knock at my door, what the hell do they want, who the hell was it..I wanted whoever it was to go away until..

"Kokichi..? Are..you in there?" I could recognise that voice from anywhere... why was Shuichi here, what did he want, why did he come here, I thought he hated me.

"..what do you want" I didn't want to look at him, I couldn't, I couldn't bare looking or being near anyone anymore, I knew they all hated me.

"I..just came to check on you..Kaede told me what's been going on so I-...felt like I had to come here..can I..come in?"

"..fine..close the door behind you" nonononono, why, go away, just go away, I don't want to talk to you, why'd I agree.

Soon the detective opened the door, closing it and slowly made his way over to my bed.

As he sat down I couldn't help but bring my knees up to my chest.

"Are...you ok?.." why was he here, why'd he sound genuinely concerned, why wasn't he disciplining me for everything I did?

"Does..it look like I'm fucking ok?" Why'd I say that, he was being nice, what the hell is wrong with me, I can't even say anything nice to him.

"Sorry-..I'm just- worried about you" Great, now he sounded slightly offended, great job me

The room went silent for a moment, the atmosphere was heavy and uncomfortable.

"..I'm sorry" I said as I felt tears prick the corner of my eyes "for everything...I-..I was selfish.."

"Huh..? Don't be sorry-.. you were..trying to help, I should be the one apologising, I said horrible things back the-"

"Stop acting like I didn't deserve it..I-I got.." "shutupshutupshutup, dontcrydontcry, I can't hold it in" I thought as tears rolled down my cheeks "I got two people killed...h-how can you be nice to me after that..."

The detective was silent for a moment..he looked guilty about a lot of things.

"Because...you were programmed to do those things, you didn't have a choice, either way..I forgive you, ok?"

I don't understand.. did he actually care about me? Or was it just another act.. or was it pity?

For some reason..I got even more emotional from what Shuichi told me, even though I didn't want him to see me in that state, I just started crying, I wasn't used to affection or forgiveness.

Shuichi's POV

I couldn't help but pull the purple haired boy to my chest, holding him for comfort while rubbing small circles on his back.

"Shhh, it's ok, I'm here..you're ok now" I said in a quiet, reassuring tone.

As kokichi sobbed quietly into my chest, I could only feel pure guilt and sorrow, holding him until eventually he fell asleep, possibly from being exhausted because of how much he cried.

As I laid him down, I decided to lay next to him, holding him still, soon falling asleep as well.