Shatter'd

43. Drowning.

I was drowning.
Drowning in a pool of misery
I keep on trying to save me.
Flipping my hands ad legs.
Struggling for air.
The only thing that mattered
Was saving me.

Drowning in a pool of surpression
I've passed the point of seeing my worth.
I found myself useless.
Although I thought
I could save me.

Drowning in a pool full of knifes
And spites.
I thought I could survive.
But the hurt inflicted got worse.
Every inch of pain I felt
Took a piece of my need for survival.

I thought I could win, 
I thought I was strong enough.
I thought I do have saved me.
Yet I was drowning.

My reflection had survived.
It never seemed to amaze me.
Always fighting amongst the shadows.
Standing brave in the darkness.
As if living wasn't hard enough.
As if breathing this air wasn't tormenting enough.

I was thrilled in the life I was living.
I felt like I was reliving someone's life
A life I had no control over 
A life that no one wished to have.
A life that killed me while I was still alive
The pain. The sufferings. The trauma.

Was I really strong enough
Strong enough to handle it all.
To handle what was yet to come.
To handle the unknown.
Yet the life that was supposed to be beautiful.

To be worth living.
To be worth loving.
Brought me nothing but misery
Brought me nothing but death staring at my face.
The life that was supposed to be worth living got me begging on my knee

Praying for emancipation.
Praying for my next life how I had hoped that maybe my next life would be better
I wouldnt have to cry myself to bed.
I wouldn't have to pretend
I wouldn't have my whole body mind soul bleeding.

Surprisingly they thought I was still alive.
Not knowing I had drowned
As they watched.
Not that they cared, it's not like they would.
After all.
All that mattered
Was me.

I landed in the deepest part of the ocean
With nobody to reach me.
Although I was at peace.
No harm would come to me.
Just a bunch  of sharks passing a skeleton.