Forced

part 4

I enter the bathroom and its completely empty i break down. I start shaking and I can't breathe. I'm pacing back and forth running my hands through my hair. My breathing is rapid and my knees are weak I fall to the ground rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. I cannot believe I just told someone about how I feel. OMG I'm so stupid I didn't mean to tell him all of that I was just angry and now he knows.

He knows......

I hope he doesn't tell any one. I have to go back to classes I don't want to make it worse than just getting a bad grade. I push my self off the ground walking over to the mirror still sniffing I take paper towels and wipe my mascara out from under my eyes. I began to collect myself and try to calm down. I hear the bell ring for my next class I dont have to go back into history because I didn't bring anything with me.

I exit the bathroom and head towards science which I share with Ryder and Caleb. I have decided that I am not going to let him see how upset I am. I am going to act like this is a normal day and that nothing happened in the hall.

After she storms off towards the bathroom my anger takes over. I throw my fist right into the locker that is next to me leaving the blue metal dented. I am angry at myself for not realizing how much pain she is In. Me and Ryder have been with her almost every day for the past two weeks and every time I would think I seen an emotion in her eyes I would push it to the side because she still seemed so happy. I am angry at myself for not noticing how tired she had been. I didn't realize it until she was just shouting at me but she looked completely exhausted. Thinking back to the beginning of this week I can remember seeing the black circles under her eyes and not thinking much about them.

I hear the bell ring and I head back inside the classroom to grab my stuff. Me and Ryder start making our way towards our next class and I just can't stop thinking about all the things she said has been done to her. How does she continue to smile and be happy all the time. I feel sympathy creeping its way up my chest and I can't help but wonder if she is going to be in science class. I didnt expect her to have so much baggage and by the way she talked she had more she wasn't telling me about. We round the corner and enter our science classrooom.

I dont really expect to see her in science class by the way she had broken down in the hall way. I see her sitting in the back with her head down on the table. She shares a seat with Ryder in this class. I sit in front of them and I sit beside Emily we sit down and I am getting a worried look from Ryder who is glancing back in forth from me to stella. Emily sits beside me her blond hair draped over her shoulder.

I smell her overpriced perfume from here and she definitely wears to much because it burns my nostrils. Since the end of sophomore year we have been fuck buddies now since the beginning of junior year we slowed down a bit. I told her two days ago that I didn't want to sleep together any more. At the beginning when we first started screwing we made a deal that it was to be no strings attached just sleeping with one another.

I have gotten tired of her recently and I don't want to sleep with her anymore. I am not a relationship man I don't do relationships. I don't think Emily has gotten the memo because she has cornered me at least three times trying to put her tongue down my throat since I told her. I feel Emily's hand on my thigh under the table and I gently push it away. I turn to look over my shoulder to see that stella still has her head down and Ryder is staring at me with furrowed eyebrows.

I feel a rush of guilt looking at her if I wouldn't have gotten so mad at her for the quiz then she wouldn't have went off on me like that. I hear the door open and our science teacher walks in apparently stella hears it too because she sits up at the noise. I am looking at the white board now and I hear" are you ok?" Ryder asks  "Yeah I'm fine" stella answers.

I look over my shoulder to see her eyes are puffy and her nose is red. She is smiling but Ryder doesn't look convinced in the slightest. I just hope he doesn't push her to answer any questions because Ryder can be pushy sometimes. To my surprise he doesn't ask any other questions he must have noticed how flustered she was.

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After science is over and I am at my locker putting my books away talking to  Ryder "do you know whats wrong with her man?" He asks while shuffling through his locker next to mine.

"We got into an argument when we got kicked out of history.......but I'm sure she will get over it" I don't want to sound rude but I also don't want Ryder asking to many questions because I don't feel like its my story to share. I really want to apologize to her later but I also don't want to rehash the fight. She hasn't said any thing to me since the hallway but she had talked to Ryder a little.

We have a couple more classes until lunch. She seems fine throughout them she has spoken to me a few times but not as much as she is talking to Ryder I think she is still a little upset with me. But its weird seeing her all droopy and sad because I am so used to her excited and happy energy I can tell Ryder feels the same.

We enter the lunch room and get our lunch trays with a salad and some other healthy crap. We sit at the table we normally do and she is talking to Ryder about something but im only paying attention to her eyes they look like they are struggling to stay open and a little bloodshot.