It Hurts to Love You Still

No Show

| 11:37 AM | April 12 | Saturday |

I spent most of the morning helping my mom set up for the party in the backyard. Luckily my parents had a huge backyard so it only made sense to have the party at home and save money from having to spend it on a venue. It was such a beautiful day and I made a promise to myself that no matter what happens I was going to stay positive and have a good time.

"Okay honey I think we should start getting ready, people are supposed to be here soon." my mom said in a rush.

My dad and Xavier were out getting some last minute things and should be back any minute. I hopped into the shower to wash away any worry that I managed to gather within the past few days.

"Babe?"

"I'm in the shower!" I yelled

"Have you seen my shoes?"

I rolled my eyes, "it's in the red bag!"

I waited a few minutes, "found them!" he yelled back.

I heard the bathroom door open, "do you know what you're wearing?" Xavier asked

"I was thinking about wearing that mini black dress, you know the one." I said smug

(Dress here: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/fc/33/1b/fc331bff0da1e82119c8ae66d7e25804.jpg )

"Oh hell yeah I know that dress."

I laughed, "okay fresh I'll be ready soon."

| 1:00 PM | April 12 | Saturday |

By this time people were already starting to filter in. I was still upstairs in our room looking out the window through the backyard. I was still too nervous to go down stairs even though I haven't seen any sight of him yet. I heard a light knocking sound at the door.

"Hey babe, are you coming down yet?" Xavier asked

I turned around to face him, "yeah maybe soon, I'm just not feeling well." I said while feeling my forehead.

Xavier gave me a look of concern, "when did this happen? What do you feel?" he came closer to me

"I don't know, it was so sudden. I think I'll be fine though, probably just fatigue from helping so much the past few days." I said while giving him a re-ensuring smile.

"Ok well I'm heading down, you let me know if you feel worse." he gave me a kiss and walked out the room.

I shouldn't be so paranoid. This day was about my dad and him having a good time. I should be down there being with him and celebrating his special day. I needed to relax and just have a good time.

| 1:30 PM | April 12 | Saturday |

I finally gained the confidence to head outside to where the party was.

"There you are! How are you feeling?" Xavier asked while opening his arms for a hug

"Better I think... come on, let's have a good time." We walked over to the bar area to grab some drinks and get this party started and I needed to find a way to loosen myself up. Normally I would have done that by drinking copious amounts of alcohol but I couldn't. I was 3 years sober and I knew I couldn't break that although the booze did seem so tempting.

"Would you rather me drink non-alcoholic along with you?" Xavier said while snapping me out of my deep thought. God, I loved him. He knew that sometimes I still have fighting urges with alcohol and offers to drink non-alcoholic with me.

"No babe you enjoy I'm fine, I promise." I kissed him on the lips sweetly

Xavier got himself a gin and tonic while I sipped on my cola. Ahh sugar you do wonders.