HEROES ─ fallen warriors series one shots

29| Whole Again: Bucky's POV

(Takes place during "Hidden")

Bucky

"Was I really gone for five years?"

The battle against Thanos has been won, his army is defeated, our army has returned home to get some rest, and the universe for the first time in five years is whole again. But now that the fighting is over, I'm left to grapple with the reality that I was dead up until a few hours ago. So was Alex. So was T'Challa. So was trillions of other innocent people. How does one process that? How did Lena process it? I've only been dealing with this for a couple hours, she's had to deal with this for five years.

Five years. Five years without us. Five years trying to fix the damage Thanos created. I can see the weight those five years have put on her, the pain and exhaustion in her eyes that has nothing to do with the battle we just fought. She and I have been lying on her bed for a few minutes, trying to catch our breaths, to take everything in. She turns her head towards me and answers my question with a nod, her voice is quiet as she says: "Yeah...yeah you were."

"Khari told me you joined the Avengers. He said you helped rebuild what Thanos destroyed."

She positions herself to face me better, resting her head on top of her her hands. "We did the best we could. Some damage couldn't be fixed; like the damage the loss of all of you brought. All we could do was try to help people move on, help them to move past the pain."

"Did you?" My voice sounds incredibly quiet.

"Did I what?"

"Move on?" It's a question I've been dreading the answer to for hours, but it needs to be answered. I have to know where we stand, if that hug and kiss on the battlefield was just out of relief or something more. I shut my eyes and let out a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "Five years is a long time and...and I just want you to know that if you did move on...if you found someone else, that I am not angry. I want you to be happy. No matter what that means."

I mean every word. All I've ever wanted was for her to be happy, to be safe, to have the life she deserves. As much as I dread her telling me that her heart did move on in the last five years, part of me hopes she has. That means she wasn't alone, that she found some semblance of happiness amidst so much pain and grief.

Lena begins to laugh, or maybe she's crying. I'm not sure. She sounds like she's laugh, but tears are streaming down her face. I move to touch her, but at that same moment she sits herself up, wiping away her tears, shaking her head. "Found someone else? You think I found someone else? Bucky, I determined a long time ago that that's impossible. I got asked out so many times in the last few years, some I did say yes to. I went on dates with other men. Hell, I even went back in time and saw you before you were a soldier."

Alright now I'm confused. "You went back in time to see me?"

She nods. "Thanos destroyed the Infinity Stones, so we had to travel back in time to get them back. But...but I was so scared it wouldn't work. So instead of helping the others get the stones, I traveled to the 40's. I went on a date with you the day before you shipped off to war."

"At the Stark Expo?"

She nods, prompting me to ask: "Then shouldn't I remember that? Remember seeing you there?"

She rolls her eyes, annoyed, but not at me. "Apparently that's not how time travel works. But my point is, seeing a past version of you wasn't even good enough for me. I couldn't move on because you're the love of my life. I couldn't stand the thought of being with anyone but you. After you both died...it was like half of me was missing. I was terrified of getting hurt again, so I never let myself move on. But seeing you in the past reminded me that you shouldn't let fear stop you from being happy. That's what I was doing...and that's exactly why you can't push me away again." There's no laughter, no annoyance in her voice now, only pain. Her tears are flowing harder down her cheeks, her voice breaking more and more with each word.

I'm left completely in awe for several seconds, trying to let her words sink in, words of only ever dreamt of her saying to me. It's moments later that I find my voice, and it's as strained as hers. "What do you mean?"

She looks at me like that answer is obvious, and maybe it is. I can't bring myself to think about anything else right now, all my thoughts are consumed with her. "Before you died you pushed me away for months. You were convinced you couldn't be loved and didn't deserve it. You were afraid of getting hurt, but that can't happen again. I don't think I could survive you pushing me away or leaving me again. I really couldn't. You may be broken, Bucky Barnes, but so am I, and that's why we need each other. That's why you-you can't leave me." Her cries have turned into sobs, and I feel myself moving before I can even register it.

I cup her face in my hands, staring into her red rimmed brown eyes, saying the words that have been true for years, saying the words that I mean with every inch of my battered heart. "You never have to worry about me leaving your side again. You're right, I was afraid. Alex was the one that made me see that that fear was pointless. Because you're right, we're both broken people, I see that now. I love you, Lena. I always have and thats not going to change. I want every broken shard of you."

She said those words to me the night before I died five years ago. It felt right to repeat them back to her. She catches my lips with hers, and the passion we've held back for so long finally comes spiraling out of us. I haven't had sex since before HYDRA, at first I felt a little worried my skills were rusty, but after Soroya admitted she felt the same nerves, albeit for the opposite reason, we both relaxed and focused on this moment, on the culmination of the love we feel for one another.

When she and I are done, we fall asleep in each other's arms, and for the first time in over a century, I finally feel at peace. I've finally found a home.