HEROES ─ fallen warriors series one shots

26| Mending Broken Hearts

NOT CANON

(Takes place after section 2 of "Fallen")

Soroya

It was a mission like any other. We had an ex-HYDRA agent to capture, a man who used to train new soldiers in combat. What we didn't anticipate was that he would have so many other agents with him in the crumbling building he had made a base. We were greatly outnumbered, we barely made it out of there alive. In fact, not all of us did. Bucky was shot in the chest three times by the man, and after he had been taken care of by Sam, I cradled him in my arms and held him as he took his final breaths, which he used to say that he loved me, and to thank me.

That was seven years ago. Seven years since he died. Seven years since I became a widow. Seven years since my heart was crushed to dust without any hope of being rebuilt.

At least this time I had Alex by my side this time, I didn't the first time Bucky died. He and Khari were huge comforts, especially during the first few months. I barely made it out of my bed in that time, and they stayed with me for a majority of it. My other friends and loved ones came to visit me as often as they could, but they had work to do, people to save. And so did I. At the four month mark of Bucky's death I dragged myself out of bed and went on one mission. Then another. Then another. I took things day by day, step by step, just as I did last time.

Besides my brothers, the person who was there for me most was John. He was there by my side for every mission, every holiday, every special occasion, every break down, and every moment in between. Arguably he's been there for me more than anyone else.

I remember on the sixth anniversary of Bucky's death, he came over to the house Bucky and I barely got to share together and ate Italian food with me. We reminisced about Bucky over pasta and when I started to break down, he held me in his arms and stayed well into the night to make sure I was okay.

That was the first time I wanted to kiss him.

I of course ignored this want, brushing it off as me being over emotional because of the anniversary, but that want, that longing only continued to grow. It's the seventh anniversary of Bucky's death now, and my feelings have only become more prominent in the past year. My heart aches for him when he's not there, I always want him with me, I dream about him holding me, touching me, kissing me...

I haven't told him any of this. Or anyone else. This has been my secret ever since I first realized how I felt. It's not that I'm afraid John doesn't feel the same way, I know he does. His feelings haven't changed for me at all since I first confronted him about it a few months before Bucky died. I haven't told him because I feel like I'm betraying Bucky by feeling the way I feel, especially because it's John. I don't know what to make of my feelings or my apprehensions about them, so I've chosen to ignore them. Not a healthy or smart choice, but a safe one.

John has come over for Italian food, just like he did last year. He shows up at my house wearing blue ripped jeans, a white t-shirt with The Rolling Stones logo on it, and a black jacket. In his arms he carries a bottle of wine and a bag of various Italian dishes, all containing some kind of meat, which I specifically request whenever I eat pretty much anything.

He smiles at me as he walks inside my house, and the sight makes my heart begin to race. I try to ignore that though as I shut the door and join him in the living room, where John is currently getting out all of the food he's brought. I sit down on the couch and attempt to help him, but he swats at my hand.