Letters, Poetry and Life.

Thoughts I have while I try to Sleep

Every night while I'm in bed waiting for sleep to envelop me, my mind races at a speed of a thousand thoughts per second the thoughts ranging from the most random things like what I did during the day to things like how death could make a hero out of anyone be it Severus Snape or an actual person. At times, I find myself formulating intricate plots and scenarios in my head, stories having a definite beginning and an end. Stories that never came alive, only residing somewhere in the back of my mind. Sometimes I think of all those conversations I didn't have that at a point I was so sure would happen; All those things that would-have, could-have, should have happened but didn't. I try and find answers to questions that bother me, figure out ways to justify my actions, assure myself that I am doing the right thing and I am on the right path.

I think of all those things I would write, but I'm not able to write, or maybe I didn't want to at that moment. But what good is writing in your mind? Sooner or later, something more important comes along and you forget all about it. Even if you don't forget, the words get stale, and the pieces don't come together as smoothly as they were supposed to.

It's a struggle I go through every day, every night. Hoping to write a few words every day, present my ideas in a thought-provoking manner, writing something gut-wrenching but absolutely beautiful. Something that gives a voice to my feelings when speech is rendered useless.

I want people to know what I am feeling. Mostly, I want to know that my views are not mine alone. That somewhere out there, someone can relate to my words and whatever I am going through, they thought of it too.

I wish I could write to change the world. I wish I were that skilled a poet or a writer who would talk about life and love and freedom and rights and issues which matter. I wish I could.

But I cannot. So I do what I can do. I write about things which I do know. Give words to someone who is hopeless, or someone falling in and out of love or someone who needs soul searching. I can write about what inspires me, what makes me, me and those mundane things that make my life extraordinary. And this is what I do best.

All these thoughts keep revolving around my head until I finally drift off to sleep, with another unwritten story in my mind. Always in the hope that someday I may be able to write down the perfect one. But first, let me begin by writing the incoherent thoughts I do have. Who knows, perhaps I'll write something worthwhile after all!