___
"You changed me, Dean." Castiel said with tears in his eyes. In spite of the tears, he was smiling. He was happy. Dean couldn't comprehend what was happening.
"Why does this sound like a goodbye?" Dean asked his own tears rising to the surface. This couldn't be happening.
"Because it is,"
No. No, no, no, this can't be happening. I can't lose him. Not him of all people.
"I love you."
I love you too. Say it! He loves me and I love him too. You love him so fucking much, just say it!
"Don't do this, Cas." He couldn't get the words out it was all happening so fast. A sound emerged from behind him and Dean saw darkness warp through the wall. This was real, the empty was going to take him away. Castiel walked towards Dean and placed his hand on Deans shoulder. The one touch full of so much warmth in love. The touch that raised him from perdition. He had never felt so much love. As Castiels bright blue eyes, shimmering with tears looked into Deans, he knew he wanted to kiss him. Dean would be damned if he was going to let himself lose the man he loved because he was too scared. Yet he still couldn't move.
"Goodbye, Dean." And just like that he was pushed out of the way and hit the wall. It all happened so fast and then he was being taken. The blackness wrapped around him he knew Billie had made it in and was taken in too but he didn't care. He was gone. Castiel, was actually gone.
He could feel his heart in his throat and his stomach was hit with nausea. He curled on to the floor trying to will himself to breathe. With Castiel gone it was like someone ripped the oxygen from the earth. All he ever wanted just happened and it was taken away in the twinkling of an eye. Dean just lost his own world and he couldn't even breathe. He cradled his face in his hands and cried. He cried harder than he ever had before. He lost Castiel five times before. Each death of the angel got harder and harder the more they knew each other. But something told Dean this was final. And the worst part, of all the twelve years he had known Castiel, he died thinking that no one loved him. No one had ever told him that they loved him. The sudden realization caused Dean to sob even harder. Dean couldn't breathe he was crying so hard. His face muscles ached with how much emotion was being forced on them.
Then he woke up again.
Distantly his ears were ringing, his mind was reeling, his stomach was churning. He wasn't even sure where he was until he felt strong hands shaking his arms and the sound of a familiar voice.
"Dean! Wake up! Jesus Chri- Dean!" His younger brother yelled.
His head was throbbing and he cracked open an eye only to hiss at the bright light.
"Turn off the light." He gruffed at Sam. He listened as his little brother moved across the room and he heard the -click- of the lamp being turned off. "Thanks." He said leaning back on the wall. His eye lids were like glue from all the tears he knew he had cried. He rubbed the crust out of them and forced himself to blink into the much dimmer room now. Sam walked over to him and was still fuzzy in his vision.
"Jesus, Dean. This is what you celebrate winning with? Practically drinking yourself to death? Crying and screaming in your sleep?" Sam said. He rubbed his temples as he leaned forward and grabbed the edge of his bed trying to stand himself upright. Dean didn't have a response so he simply didn't answer. Sam helped him get his footing as he sat on the foot of the bed. He closed his eyes again and only opened them when Sam held a glass of water to them.
