All The Stories In The World

Agoraphobia

Warnings: Mentions of crowded spaces, anxiety, unrequited love, emotional confusion, refernces to only being wanted for sexual satisfaction, swearing

"Everett, I want to go home. Please." I begged.

"Hadley." He gripped my shoulder firmly. "Your big brother will be here to protect you."

"You know I don't like crowds." I said looking at him with fear in my eyes.

"It's only a few people. It's going to be you, me, mom, and your best friend.
"If you mean Asher Dean then you're mistaken. He just wanted me for a good fuck and then intended to ditch me to go find another one." Anger rose inside me. I wanted revenge for what Asher was going to do to me and what he had probably done to countless other girls.

"Then we won't invite him and will banish him from the household. But I must insist that you let us invite one person not of family relations." He pleaded with me.

"Only one person? Just one?" I queried.

"Yes. Which one?" He asked.

"I want to bring Silas." I said with a small smile dancing across my face.

"Silas? Are you sure?"

"Yes. But can we leave for home now? You got all your stuff you wanted to get. Let's go!"

And with that we departed the uncomfortable and crowded space that was the clothing market. We had only went because Everett wanted to buy his girlfriend a good gift for their three year anniversary. He picked out a beautiful dress of green and blue silks that came to ankle length.

It was almost time for the party to start. Just a little dinner party. I thought I would dress nice because I haven't in a while and I kind of missed getting to be all fancy.

I walked down the staircase that cascaded from the second floor. I was decked in silver, gold and blue. My favorite colors with little stars and constellations on my dress. My deep blue flats carrying me down the stairs as my dress flows behind me. The silk shawl draped over my shoulders moves lightly in the small breeze I make with my brisk walk.

"Sweetheart! Silas is here!" My mother shouts from the entry way.

I invited Silas because he was one of the only people I felt comfortable around anymore. Just him and my immediate family that mattered to me.

"Coming!" I shouted back as best I could without my voice breaking in excitement. I decided to walk faster, quickly making my way to the entry way to greet our only guest.

My heart stopping as I take in Silas's appearance. I pressed suit in all black with a red tie to add some color. His lands were littered with rings.

The first thought that went through my head was that he looked like a mob boss and apparently I said it out loud too.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Silas said looking at me with an emotion I still can't place. He always looked at me with that one emotion and I didn't understand it. He stuck his tongue out at me between his teeth. I always thought that was adorable.

Silas walks over to me and reaches his hand out about half way, taking the hem of my shawl to silently ask if he can have skin contact with me. I take his hand off my shawl with my own to let him know it's okay. Moving his hand to my face to brush away some stray hairs.

"You look like an Empress," he hand gently lifting my chin so he can inspect my appearance better, "and remember what I told you about beheading anyone that disrespects you?"

"Of course I remember. How could I not?" Perking up at how much Silas values my well being. "Your exact words were 'if anybody disrespects your wishes about your mind and body in any way then you need to take that sword called self worth and kill them.' How can I forget?"

While I was busy laughing and talking with Silas I didn't notice Mom and Everett taking pictures.

"I hate to break up this little love fest but dinner is probably getting cold." Everett deadpans.

Dinner went well. We all shared how our lives are going. Mom and Everett were prodding at Silas to open up more about his love life to which he happily obliged. I found that a little odd but he looked so happy when he talked about all the wonderful things that he would do with his partner.

Mom didn't know that I was pansexual or that Silas and Everett were bisexual because we made an agreement to not drop the bomb since we still weren't sure how she would react to the news.

"Silas, honey, who did you have in mind for a girlfriend?" Mom questioned.

I almost dropped my fork as my eyes went wide. I knew where this was going and usually it didn't end well.

"Mom!"

"He doesn't have to talk about it if he doesn't want to." She then proceeded to give me that 'Mom-knows-all' look.

Silas decided to pop in as he could feel the uncomfortable atmosphere. "Hey Hadley?"

"Yeah?" I turned to face him to be met with a slightly nervous looking face. Silas never got nervous.

"Can I talk to outside? Alone?" He looked at Mom and then Everett.

Mom excused us and we went to the backyard where the garden with the archway was.

"Hadley . . . I don't know how to say this but . . . I-I . . ." He was stuttering and running his hands through his hair. Both were things he never did.

"Silas? What is this about?" I was growing worried about his behavior. I gently reached for his face so he would look at me.

"I . . . I want to ask you something."

"Go on."

"Are you . . . How do you feel towards me?" There's that unreadable look again.

Letting go of his face, a smile doesn't make it's way to my eyes. Instead they fill with sadness.

"From the moment I met you I wanted to be yours. But that's something I can never be because I can't even go outside around people without panicking. Nobody wants a girlfriend that can barely handle small gatherings." Tears being to fall from my eyes I look down in shame. Through the blurriness I can see the tips of my shoes poking out from under my dress.

"You know that everytime I look at you I feel nothing but love." Silas's words catch me off guard. He let's out a little laugh as my head shot up in disbelief.

"So everytime you looked at my and I couldn't understand the look on your face . . . That was you looking at me with . . ." I started babbling too much to notice Silas going in for a hug.

He pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around my waist and shoulders protectively. "It's love. That look on my face that you can't understand is love, Darling."

"I have a question."

"Hm?" Silas just hums while pressing a kiss to my temple.

"What do you call it when your afraid of crowded places?"

"Darling, I love you and your agoraphobia." He simply responded before leading me back inside with our hands linked.

We explained everything. Silas got Mom's and Everett's approval so that's good. I guess after Thanksgiving break is over then I get the pleasure of watching Silas walk around with the title of being my boyfriend. It kind of feels like I moved up in the world and that I'm making progress with being able to be around people again. Life is good.