6 months (iwaizumi x oikawa)

chapter 21 - I love you, Tooru.

Iwaizumi had changed his clothes and went outside. He was nervous. What should he tell Oikawa? The truth. He should tell him nothing but the truth. He should honestly tell him straight to his face. Iwaizumi nodded and started walking. And what if he reacted strangely? It didn't matter, did it? He would be rid of an unbelievable burden. Once he said it, he would surely feel better and it would also help him help Oikawa. Iwaizumi tried to talk himself into it, but he didn't have a good feeling about it. He felt uncomfortable - almost sick - and imagined the worst scenarios. "It can't end that badly.", he muttered, walking a little faster. No matter how bad it ended, he would make up for everything that went wrong today the next day. That couldn't be so hard, could it? Hajime stopped and took a deep breath. Why would it end badly anyway? He wasn't going to do anything bad. Oikawa was his best friend. Why wouldn't he be happy to see Hajime again? Right. There was no reason for that. A little more confidently Iwaizumi continued to walk. Everything would go well, because he had promised Oikawa. He looked at his cell phone again to see if there was a new message from Oikawa, but there was nothing. "Why don't you get in touch?", Iwaizumi muttered. When he thought about Oikawa ignoring him, his heart hurt even more. He hadn't said anything in response to the words "You're perfect for me." which Iwaizumi didn't think was bad in itself at first, but in retrospect it hurt him. He could have reacted, couldn't he? At least a small reaction. Just a smile. Why was there absolutely no reaction? Iwaizumi wanted to know. He wanted to know everything. Without exception. He wanted his best friend back.

Iwaizumi stopped in front of Oikawa's house. It was not a normal stopping. He was frozen. "What are you doing?", he muttered, looking up at the roof. He was pretty sure Oikawa was sitting on the roof. "Please say you just want to be alone.", he now muttered. He almost wondered if he should call Oikawa. No. What if he was up to something stupid? Then one call could destroy everything. Iwaizumi went to the door and rang the bell. He tried to hide his nervousness. Oikawa's mother opened the door for him and smiled. "Hajime, good to see you again!", she said with a smile. Iwaizumi forced a smile. "Didn't Tooru let you know I was coming?", he lied. He didn't want to tell Oikawa's mother what was going on. He was afraid that if he did, the situation would escalate. "As a matter of fact, no. Why don't you come in?", the mother replied. "I'll go up right now.", Iwaizumi said and, without waiting for an answer, went upstairs. He tried to go up the stairs quickly without running so as not to attract attention. On the way up, he thought about how to explain to Oikawa that he had just come. "No.", he said confidently. He didn't need an explanation. He was Oikawa's best friend - that was explanation enough.

Hajime opened the door and walked slowly to Oikawa. "Tooru?", he said. Oikawa turned and looked blankly at Iwaizumi. He stood up and smiled slightly. "What are you doing here, Iwa-chan?", he wanted to know. Iwaizumi walked toward him. "I should ask you that.", Iwaizumi replied. He sounded softer than he had intended. "Enjoying the view.", Oikawa lied. Iwaizumi hated that Oikawa was lying to him even now. He took Oikawa's hand. "Let's go inside.", he said. Oikawa made no sound yet tears streamed down his face. "Why are you doing this again?", he wanted to know. "I distanced myself from you so that my death wouldn't hurt you so much.", Oikawa explained. Iwaizumi changed, inconspicuously, the position in which they stood. So Oikawa was now further inside than Iwaizumi and couldn't do anything stupid. "Your death would always hurt me!", he declared. "Tooru, your death would destroy me!", he whispered. "But there's no other way! I can't help it! I don't live for myself anymore, Hajime. I live for others, and I don't want to. I can't. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm scared as hell every single day! I know you care about me so why don't you let go? Hajime please let me end this miserable life!". Iwaizumi froze and shook his head. "I can't do that.", he whispered. "Honestly, I'd like to let go, but I promised you.", he explained. "I can't let someone like you die.", he said, closing his eyes. "When I know there's a chance of a real smile from you, it makes me so happy. Your smile is beautiful. Tooru, you deserve the best and I know that. However, the best in your case is not death! You deserve better!". Oikawa shook his head. "Let go of me.", he muttered. "You don't understand me so just let me go.", he repeated. Iwaizumi's grip tightened. "I'm sorry, Tooru." he apologized. Oikawa shook his head more firmly now. "I told you to let go of me, Iwaizumi!". Every single word hurt Iwaizumi. He didn't want it to escalate, and yet that's exactly what was happening. "Iwaizumi I beg you - just let go of me!", he said louder now. "I can't.", Hajime repeated, looking sadly at Oikawa. "I promise you that everything will be all right."

Oikawa started fidgeting around. He tried to break free from Iwaizumi's grip, so he pulled harder and harder on Iwaizumi's arm. The latter, in order to keep Oikawa from breaking free, had to pull harder as well. Probably this was the best decision he could have made. He did not regret it. Oikawa seemed to have given up, because he didn't pull him anymore. Iwaizumi noticed this a moment too late. It was only a moment, but in order not to fall down, Iwaizumi took a step back. He was sure that it was not a big step, but this step went into the emptiness. He only realized what was happening when he saw Oikawa's gaze. His gaze was not blank but full of fear. He reached out his hand to grab Iwaizumi, but he reached into the emptiness. Iwaizumi felt free of everything at that moment. The last thing he saw was Oikawa calling his name. The last thing he saw was his first big love. "I love you, Tooru.", he breathed and closed his eyes with a smile.