The Ghost Of Us (HWGA sequel)

Miss You

I stare at the ceiling... it's like I was waiting for Sam to call... or for him to show up at the front door. But I knew that wasn't gonna happen, I'm the one that said we should take a break. Doesn't mean I can't miss him.
I didn't want to... because I'm so mad at him, but it was so hard to be mad at him. Caleb said he looked miserable today, and that made me feel bad for some reason. I didn't want it to... so I just kept reminding myself that he literally called me a slut and told me to be classier. Before that he called me a bummer.. did he really think all of this of me?
I turn over to my side, looking at my desk in the corner. I wanted to punch him in the face. I didn't even know how to feel. I wanted to cry, but I felt like I couldn't. I wanted to yell at him, but I want to ignore him. I want to understand why he's being a dick, but I can't. Why do relationship have to be so hard? I'm trying my best to let sometime in.. and I have let him in, but it's not working out.
Maybe it is just because he lost his dad, and he's acting out because of grief. But, I won't let someone treat me like shit.
Even if I told him... he wouldn't lose me. I told him that... and he did lose me. At least for the time being.
I shut my eyes, I just want to sleep. Sleep and get my mind off of it all.

Then my phone rings, making my eyes shoot open. I turn over grabbing it and I see Andrews name pop up with a call. A part of me thought it was gonna be Sam. Why did I think that? I pick it up.

"Hey," I say.
"Hey... I didn't wake you did I?" He asks.
"No," I reply. "I was just chilling in bed," I mumble... and thinking about my depressing life.
"I couldn't sleep... and I figured you'd be awake," he says. "So what's up?"
"Nothing much," I say.
  "Wanna go get drinks?" He asks.
  "I'm down," I nod even though he couldn't see me.
  "Cool, I'll pick you up in 10," he replies.
  "Yeah," I reply. "See you then," I say and hang up the phone. I get out of bed and grab my sweatshirt, pulling it on, then I slip on some slippers and grab my bag.
I needed to get out. I was too in my head right now... plus with Andrew, it always seemed to be easier.

I quietly make my way downstairs, and head outside to wait for Andrew. It was cool out, a little windy, but the air was clearing my mind, making me feel better. I just wanted to curl up into a ball, and scream. I feel like I haven't felt this way in so long... things were so good. But now I'm going down the rabbit hole again.
Andrews car pulls up minutes later and I get into it.
"Hey," I say shutting the door.
"Hey," he replies. "You look tired."
"Thanks," I reply and he laughs.
"I didn't mean it in a bad way. It is like 1:30 am," he says. "You good?"
"Yeah," I nod. That was a lie.
"That explains your distant attitude," he says.
"What do you mean?" I ask. "I'm being normal."
"No you're not," he says. "You're sad, and lying about it."
"I'm fine. I just don't want to waste time talking about my currently sad life," I tell him.
"It helps to talk," he says.
"Does it?"
"Yes," he nods. "Did something happen? Or it's just one of those moments?" He asks.
"Nothing happened," I say. "I just hate Sam."
"Reasonable," he nods.
"But I don't hate him," I said and he nods again. "I want to hate him, but I can't," I grumble. "I'm so pissed... but..." I drift off. I sounded annoying to myself. "It doesn't matter. You don't want to hear this."
"Yes I do," he nods. "I always want to hear Jo. I'm here whenever you need," he tells me and I felt random tears prickle my eyes as if him saying that just had a weird effect on me.
"Thanks Andrew," I mutter looking out the window, swallowing back the tears.
"You don't have to thank me," he says. "I'm just being a friend."
"I know," I say. "But still... I'm being so annoying I wouldn't blame you for wanting me to just shut up."
"You're not annoying!" He says. "You know who's annoying, Sam... for making you feel like this," he remarks.
"Yeah," I nod.
"So... McDonald's?" He asks. "Or we can grab snacks and drinks from the 24 hour market," he says.
"McDonald's," I say. "I'm craving a cheese burger, I think my sadness has drained me and made me hungry."
"Probably," he nods and pulls into the McDonald's drive-thru.

~

I walk into school late, I slept in because I went to bed super late, couldn't sleep... my mind would not turn off. Something else I'm blaming on Sam.

  "Hey! You're finally here," Austin shows up at my locker.
  "Yeah.. slept in," I nod.
  "You okay? You look tired," he says looking at me with concern.
  "Yeah, just my insomnia, you know!" I tell him.
  "Or inSAMnia," he says and I look at him and laugh.
  "That clever," I said.
  "I'm serious."
  "I know you are," I put my books in my bag and shut my locker. "But really Austin I'm good."
  "I just feel like you aren't talking about anything.. and that's not good," he says.
  "I just don't like talking about Sam," I reply.
Austin has always been there for me... I've already put so much of my stress and sadness on him during other things. He didn't need me nagging about Sam, he has his own problems to deal with. He didn't need more of mine.
  "Okay," he nods. "But if you need to vent! I'm here."
  "I know Austin," I say. "And thank you, you're the best," I say. "But don't worry... I'll be fine."
  "Okay," he sighs. "I gotta get to class. I'll see you at lunch."
  "Yeah bye," I nod and he leaves. I lean against my locker and I watch all the people scatter to class. I let out a sigh. I just want to be in bed... asleep. I shut my eyes leaning my head back against my locker.
  "Hey," I hear and my eyes shoot open and I look in front of me to see Sam. It felt like everything in my mind disappeared, and like all my anger went away... and I just wanted to hug him... and kiss him. His voice... it feels like I haven't heard it in forever and I missed it. But that feeling went away quick, and reality hit... and my anger and sadness settled in.
I stare at him shocked. Why was he talking to me? What did he want?
  "How are you doing?" He asks.
  "I'm fine," I said. "I have to go to class," I push myself off my locker about to leave.
  "I miss you," he says just as I was about to walk away. I turn back to him. I was so close to saying it back... because I missed him. I missed him bad. But... I can't. He can't say that.. it's unfair.
  "Don't," I said.
  "I do Jo," he says.
He had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked a mess.
  "That's unfair," I say.
  "Can't we just talk?" He asks.
  "I don't want to talk," I tell him. "You can't do this... it's unfair."
  "Please," his voice cracks and I shake my head. I knew I'd break if he kept going... I'd go back to him in seconds and I can't. Not right now.
  "I'm going to class. I'm gonna be late," I say and I walk away, not turning back.
He can't do that to me... not this early. He hurt me so bad. What did he expect!?
I let out a shaky breath as I walk down the hall toward my class. But I just felt like I couldn't do it. I wanted to be out of this school, and away from Sam. Far away from him. Instead of going to class I go out the school back doors and I leave.
I was feeling so many emotions rn... and I didn't want to. I didn't want to sad and I didn't want to be angry, I just wanted everything to be normal. I want Sam to be normal.

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A/N

Short chapter! But I needed to finally update. Enjoy... sorry for not updating sooner don't hate me!!
Xoxo

- Jana ❤️