Attack on Titan One-Shots

Jean X Reader: (angst!) Crying Alone

jean wonders what it would feel like to be loved by you. he's always been wondering, dreaming, hoping that one day it would be time for you and him. time for you and him to be together.

he wonders what your kisses would feel like. would they be soft and warm? would they be passionate and full of emotion? would they be hard and fast, kissing as if your life depended on it?

he thinks that your kisses would probably make him feel safe, and he wants nothing more than to just kiss you like there is nothing else besides you two in this world.

he wonders what your lips would taste like. maybe they would taste sweet, like the chocolate you're always eating. maybe they taste bitter, but in a good way, like the coffee you drink in the morning. maybe they would taste like everything and nothing at the same time. would they be rough like his hands, or would they be soft like fluffy clouds?

jean wonders what it would be like to hug you and to be close to you. to wrap his arms around your body, pulling you close to his, and never letting go. to play with your hair, to inhale your scent, and just to memorize all of you. he bets that your body is warm. and even if it isn't, he would make sure to keep it warm himself.

you're already so good at making him feel better about himself — if you ever get close enough to him, he swears that he would be in heaven.

he wonders what it would be like to wake up next to you every morning and to go to sleep next to you every night. what it would be like to start his day with seeing your face, and to end it the same way.

jean wants to be able to kiss you good morning and to kiss you goodnight. he wants you to wake up in his arms, resting on his chest — or maybe he would wake up in yours. as long as he would be next to you, he would be happy.

jean wonders what it would be like to hold your hand. maybe your hands are rough like his own, or maybe they would be soft and smooth. either way, he just wants to hold your hand. to walk down the street with you, swinging your intertwined hands up and down as he rubs circles into your skin. he wants to bring your hand to his mouth and kiss your knuckles, smiling sweetly down at you while he tells you how beautiful you are.

jean wonders what it would be like to cry in your arms. maybe it would be better than crying by himself. scratch that, it'd definitely be better than crying by himself. he wonders what it would feel like to have you holding him close to your body, reassuring him that everything would be okay.

what it would be like with you carding your fingers through his hair, whispering calming words as you try to get him to calm down. what it would be like to have you placing soft kisses on the top of his head, making him feel better.

what it would feel like for you to wipe his tears with the pad of your thumb, kissing underneath his eyelids as you give him a soft and loving smile.

jean doesn't want to cry alone anymore.
he wants to show you his love. he wants to scream out at the top of his lungs, announcing to the world just how much he loves you. he wants to whisper into your ear, and remind you that you are the light of his life.

he wants to kiss you and never stop, showing you at least a fraction of the intense emotion he feels for you. he wants to bring you your favorite flowers every night, and to buy you all your favorite things. he wants you to know just how much he cares about you.

jean wonders how you would react if he finally told you that he loves you.

-

"hey, jean, are you okay?" you wave your hand in front of his face, a quizzical expression on your face as you try to bring him down to earth.

hearing your voice from the distance, jean slowly blinks a few times, lightly slapping his cheek to bring the energy back to him. "...what?"

"i said, are you okay? you were staring at me." you smile softly at him, tilting your face to the side as you raise your eyebrows.

"oh..." a light blush dusts his cheeks as he realizes that he was in fact staring at you.

"yeah, yeah. i'm fine. sorry." he rubs the back of his neck, awkwardly looking off to the side. shit.

you giggle, "it's okay." your phone dings, vibrating against the wooden table. you pick it up, your boyfriend's name showing up on the screen.

"actually, jean, i have to go. my boyfriend's waiting for me outside." you begin to pack up your books, stuffing them in your bookbag.

"oh." jean's eyes make their way back to you, and he watches as you get ready to leave, silently cursing to himself for not paying attention the whole time. yet another moment he wasted not savoring his time with you.

you sit up from your chair, swinging your backpack over your shoulder, pushing your seat into the table. "it was nice studying with you today. thank you so much for helping me. so i'll see you tomorrow then?"

jean gulps, desperately begging his voice not to come out shaky, "yeah."

you smile, turning around on your heel. "great! bye!" you begin to walk away, shooting your arm up to wave goodbye at him.

"yeah. bye..." jean whispers to himself. his eyes follow you as you stroll out of the library, eventually turning a corner, and then you're out of his sight.

as soon as you're gone, he sighs, throwing his head down on the desk, burying his face into his arms. he feels a few tears accumulate in his eyes, threatening to spill out and wet his sweatshirt, his throat getting tight.

he's crying alone again.

jean would just have to keep wondering.