Save me | Jung Hoseok (ambw) (ON HOLD)

1.

I wake up to whining noises and movement on my bed, I slowly open my eyes and see my little pup Star sitting right in my face clearly needing to go to the bathroom, it was 4 o'clock in the morning and this was the first time ever I wasn't willingly up this late. I slowly sat up trying to force myself to get up for the sake of my carpet and her bladder.  

After staring at each other for a good minute or two I finally got up and put my shoes on and walked her outside. The whole time we were outside the only thing I could think about was getting right back in my bed. I never really come outside or do anything for that matter unless Star wants to even though being outside and getting fresh air is apparently good for me I honestly just can't take it.

My anxiety starts to race every time I go out and my mind always starts thinking about the terrible and treacherous things that could happen to me or anyone around me for that matter, so I decide that staying inside is just a better choice which just results to me sleeping all day.

I've kinda been like this all my life I went through a lot of trauma starting at the age of 4 ever since then nothing really got any easier for me it got worse honestly. Because of this my mental health is extremely wrecked hint the anxiety and negative thoughts which is just a tiny portion of what I go through and I mean tiny.

Ever single thing I struggle with affects my life drastically and I hate it, living a life that's filled with nothing but misery and sadness is terrible and honestly embarrassing. I used to hate being around my friends because they always smiled and were genuinely happy while I just felt as if I ruined the mood by sitting there with a straight face or always appearing angry.

I feel that if I continue to stay in this place that has nothing but terrible memories and triggers everywhere I won't be able to find even a bit of happiness so for the past 10-11 months I've been saving money to finally leave and hopefully get away from this toxic life. But at the same time I can't help but worry that the cycle will continue and I'll officially become fed up with it all which is kinda how I already feel.

2 weeks later

Today was the day that I was finally moving, I was going through a mix of emotions even though I've always been one to lock myself away from friends and family I still hated being alone so moving across the world with just me and my dog was going to be a extremely big change.

It was 7:25am me, my mom, and my older sister Emerald were at my apartment packing up some of the last bit of my things before I had to catch my flight at 8.

"Are you sure you wanna move all the way to Korea why not Georgia or Texas or idk somewhere else in America, why do you have to go that far??" Emerald asked.

I know some of you are probably thinking the same thing as her but honestly I don't have a good reason. All I knew was I really wanted to go somewhere completely different for me and one day I was on Twitter and saw a video saying that my next trip was going to be to Korea so that's how I decided.

"Look Em I understand your worried but-"

"Worried?! we're more than worried you're moving to a completely foreign place, that speaks a completely different language, and have a completely different way of life and you're a young curvy chocolate skinned female they could become overly fascinated with you which could be extremely dangerous, you being a female that's going to be there alone is already bad itself anywhere you go" my mom yelled.

My mom and older sister have always been extremely overprotective especially when it came to me... my other siblings get away with stuff without having to go through big lectures and "but this could happen" and "I just saw on the news that this happened" but I honestly think it's really just because of the situation my mom found me in before she adopted me.

My older sister Em was the only one out of my siblings, who are younger than me, that was old enough to understand the things that happened to me so ever since then they've always tried to keep me close and wanted me to be a good 30 minute distance away from them so they could get to me in a jiffy in case anything happened.

"Mom I already have everything taken care of and settled in Seoul , I have a decent apartment that has all of my furniture already in it, and I've been talking to a couple places about jobs, and I know the language remember I started learning it 2 years ago I'll be fine" I reassured her.

"What about your medications and therapy appointments how are you going to take care of all that down there" She asked in a still very worried tone

"I've asked my doctor and psychiatrist was there a way to send all of my medical information and records to Korea and they both told me yes when I find a doctor and psychiatrist down there all they'll need to do is email them to ask for the information and I'll be set to go and I have my therapist phone numbers so whenever I need to talk I'll just call or schedule a zoom appointment" I stated.

After going back and forth answering both of there repetitive and outrageous questions while we were loading the car and driving to the airport it was finally time to get on the plane. My sister had gotten a ticket as well so she could stay with me for a couple days to help me unpack and get other things situated with my apartment since my mom had to stay with my younger siblings.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" my mom asked for the hundredth time now.

"Yes mom, I'll be fine I need to get far away from here before I-" I stopped mid sentence knowing what I was about to say would do nothing but send both my mom and sister into overdrive and that's the last thing I need right now they knew I was depressed and everything else but they didn't know how bad it really was.

"I promise mom I'll be fine I'll make sure I change one of my clocks to you guys time zone so I know the perfect to text and check up on you which is what I'll do everyday" I said with a reassuring smile so she wouldn't start crying which I was kinda too late for.

Straight flight to Seoul,Korea is boarding now

After hearing the announcement on the intercom I hugged my mom one last time and kissed her goodbye before me and my sister started heading towards the check in center. I tried not to cry because I knew it was for the best so I could be the happy daughter she deserves but it was hard leaving her, I remember the last time I had to leave my biological mom it was terrible.

We finally boarded the plane getting ready to take off and I couldn't help but get a little excited thinking about how maybe my new life would be good and for the first time I'll find some type of happiness and with that I cuddled into Star and started dozing off to sleep dreaming what I hope would become a perfect reality.