Save me | Jung Hoseok (ambw) (ON HOLD)

5.

Hoseok's POV:
"Ahhhh so this is the girl you've been staying up all night talking to huh hyung" Jimin said as he passed my phone around so everyone could look at the stunning picture of Lani, "Yeah it is she's beautiful isn't she". I can't help but to absolutely gush over her who knew I would grow a liking to someone so quick.

"Yeah she is hyung but have you told her who you are yet" jungkook has kinda been pestering me about letting her know who I truly was , he didn't want me to fall for her and she does the same then finds out about the type of life she'll be apart of if she's with me after she's grown feelings which is understandable but I honestly don't think she'll stop talking to me or leave even when she finds out.

"I haven't yet but I will pretty soon I don't think it'll be a big deal for her tho she seems like a really strong person who could handle this lifestyle."
"You may think that Hobi but you never know, I mean we even struggle sometimes with the criticism and backlash and hate and we've been apart of it for years" Suga explained to me. I knew the boys were probably right but in my eyes and mind Lani was strong and I could hide her very easily if it came down to it.

Kehlani's POV:
Just kill yourself already
No, what about my family?
You're real family is dead don't you wanna be with them
I do but I can't leave my family I have now
You're pathetic do you think they care or love you
they do I know they do
No you worthless fuck they don't that's why they let you go to get away from you
No no no they care about me
Why allow yourself to suffer this way don't be stupid
because I can get better I know I can.

I bring my knees to my chest and try to breathe while sitting on my bathroom floor, me and my inner thoughts were currently fighting each other again. I haven't felt bad at all since I got to Korea but now the lucid evil thoughts are back.

Pills take pills
or just a couple deep cuts and you'll be ok
You'll never find happiness so why suffer
You think that boy will love someone like you
You're nothing compared to the girls around here
A quick fuck is what you are
He doesn't truly care about you
You're fat, ugly, and dark
He's most definitely lying to you

Maybe my mind is right I mean why would Hobi like someone like me. Maybe that's why we can never meet up or why we have conversations every 5-6 hours of the day. But maybe I'm just being to clingy and my mind knows that and is making it seem like he doesn't care. But then again I'm probably just some dare or something to him and his friends. He's gonna make me like him and trust him then break my heart for entertainment.

I absolutely hate feeling this way it's like I'm stuck and chained down to the deepest and darkest parts of the ocean that has yet to be discovered. Surrounding me are terrifying people who have ruined my life and memories from my traumatic past.

I can't see anything up above at all it's just black. I just want to find some type of light to help me find something to break these chains and guide myself out or something to make me wanna fight to get to the top.

But it's all starting to become just a hopeless dream and I keep waking up realizing reality and realizing that that'll probably never happen, why would I even deserve to be set free.

I clearly deserve this right? I mean why would my life fall down hill starting at the age of 4 if I didn't. I have to suffer for whatever I may have done or whatever the person who had this soul, heart, mind and body before me did.

Thankfully before I got deeper into my thoughts my phone dings,
Hobi🐿: hey beautiful, how are you ?

Maybe I should just ask Hobi what it is and what it ain't so I know what to do with this from here on out, if my mind is right and he's hiding something or he just wants me to be some type of friend with benefits more benefits than actual friends, then I need to know before I start falling in deep or if he also doesn't want anything of the sort I also need to know so I don't fall at all. But you can say anything over the phone.

Kehlani🦋; hey Hobi I'm good
Kehlani🦋; I was just about to text you

Hobi🐿: oh really?

Kehlani🦋; yeah I'm bored and wanna see you

Hobi🐿: ahh well thankfully I'm on break for the month so I can most definitely come over

Kehlani🦋; that's great about time you get a break
Kehlani🦋; how about I make us some food

Hobi🐿: that'll be great I really wanna try your cooking

Kehlani🦋; hopefully you'll like it
Kehlani🦋;I've been cooking different dishes lately

Hobi🐿: great I can't wait to taste test them
Hobi🐿: just let me know when I can come

Kehlani🦋; I wanna have a good start on the food so it's done by time you get here so maybe in like 20 minutes you can start coming
Kehlani🦋; *sends address*

Hobi🐿: ok it'll see you soon then

Kehlani🦋; alrighty can't wait 🤪

Lord please let this man be the type of person who can't lie to save his life, at least let me have something come easy. I'm amazing at reading faces.