Give Up On Me

Awake

L.A was beautiful. Sun reflected off the calm waves, sand glowing vibrantly at golden hour. The entire beach had an orange hue, making Chris appreciate the beauty even more. Jordan was sitting beside him. Chris didn't remember how he got there.

Jordan's face was covered with a genuine smile as he watched the water lap at the shore. Chris realized they were holding hands. How did that happen?

"What are we doing here, Jordan?"

The brunette man turned to look at Chris, smile only growing wider.

"There is an ocean of silence between us."

Chris scrunched up his face, confused at his reply.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jordan, what's going on?"

Suddenly, Jordan's expression grew dark, eyes glinting in the moonlight. The sun had set. How did Chris not realize that night had fallen.

"There is an ocean of silence between us," Jordan repeated, "and I am drowning in it."

Chris blinked. He blinked once and then Jordan was in the water. Twenty yards away, Chris watched in shock as he flailed in the water, kicking desperately to stay above water. Chris scrambled to get up, to save Jordan, but he didn't move. He was horrified as he watched his feet betray him, and stay rooted in the ground.

Chris screamed into the water, desperately searching for Jordan within the choppy waves. He was nowhere.

-

His pillow was damp with tears when he woke up that morning. He shook violently in the covers, his mind replaying the dream from last night over and over. He felt sick. If anything were in his stomach, he would have thrown it up.

Instead, he jammed his palms into his eyes, trying to banish the gruesome dream from his mind. He had no idea where that had come from. He had no idea what it meant.

Chris stumbled out of bed and snatched the phone off his table, hands shaking as he frantically typed in his password. Swiping into Jordan's contact, he nervously pressed the call button, tapping his foot as he listened to it ring.

ring

ring

ring

ring

"Hello?"

Letting go of a breath he didn't know he was holding, Chris cleared his throat. He didn't plan for what he was going to say if he picked up. Nervously, he stumbled over his words trying to find something to say.

"Oh, uh, hey. I was just calling to see if you were alright. Just to check up. So, uh, are you? Okay?"

Cris cringed internally, mad at himself for not think of something better.

"Jesus Chris, it's three in the morning."
Jordan sounded tired and annoyed, but he could tell there was a hint of amusement under his tone. Nonetheless, he felt horrible for waking up his friend.

"Oh, ya, I guess it is. Okay, well I'm gonna go then. Goodnight."

"Wait-"

Chris was about to press the hang up button when Jordan called back at him. Raising the phone back to his ear, he mumbled a quick 'what', only to be met by silence. After a few seconds, Jordan yawned loudly into the speaker, making Chris giggle.

" You woke me up, so we might as well talk..."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'll answer your question you asked earlier. Yes, I am okay. Tired," He chuckled, "but okay. How are you?"

Chris winced at the question. How was he? He wasn't okay. He was anything but okay. Jordan knew when he was lying. He couldn't risk telling a blatant lie. He definitely couldn't say he was fine, because everyone knows that fine doesn't actually mean fine.

"Just tired." There goes that excuse again.

" I don't believe you. When we met up yesterday you seemed distant, more than usual." Jordan joked.

"I'm just t-"

"No, dude, be truthful. Honestly, I'm kinda worried about you. I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Jordan, I'm fine. Just drop it please." So much for that plan.

"Okay. Sure," Jordan replied after a moment, Chris could hear that he was still concerned. He ignored it. "Anyways, I've been looking online for places to stay in LA, and I found this awesome one near Venice beach. It's a little pricey, but we can scrape together enough dollars for spending two weeks there."

Their conversation continued for nearly two more hours, the both of them speaking excitedly about their future vacation. After they both said goodnight, Chris laid in bed smiling. He adored his conversations with Jordan, they always seemed to make him feel safe and loved. Platonically of course. Jordan was straight. Obviously. Because how could someone Chris loved ever love him back?

His grin quickly turned into a frown. He had nearly forgotten about his helpless crush on his best friend. How naive of him.

He turned on his side sadly, burying his face softly into his pillow. Screwing his eyes shut, he attempted to bring back memories of the fantasy he had conjured earlier in the car.

Slowly drifting off to sleep, he hoped the night would bring him better dreams than before.

-

$700. The stay was booked, the total split evenly between the three of them. And $700 was his total. Chris laughed gleefully, dragging a hand over his grin.

His wallet seemed to be screaming at him as he removed his credit card to pay. The stay expenses, plus activities and drinks, his bank account would be hurting for a while. But it was the sacrifice he had to make.

Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, erasing every feeling of fatigue in that moment. The past week his excitement had been growing until he was always on the edge of his seat, praying for the next week to pass quickly.

Every moment he wasn't thinking about food or putting himself down, he was occupied with the thoughts of his time in LA.

It was glorious.