Love, Cassie → L. Evans [PJOXHP]

chapter one

sirius black loves eating almost as much as he loves remus lupin. whenever anyone asks him about it, without fail, he always launches in a complex, dramatic regaling of all the things he's eaten that day, and all the things he plans to eat. it seems like, most of the time, sirius black has no limit to what he can fit into his mouth. he piles as much as he can before lily whacks the back of his head with her hand and scolds him for being such a pig, and then swallows. sirius black doesn't chew, because, as he likes to advertise loudly, "chewing is for the weak!"

which is why it is quite a surprise to everybody in the great hall when he spits out his food as the mail comes in for the morning. james is up in an instant (sirius never spits out food, he even ate mustard and yogurt made for snape once, and then flashed a thumbs up once he had cleaned out the whole goddamn bowl) hovering near sirius' head and demanding if anything is wrong. remus has grabbed sirius' right hand, rubbing soothing circles on it with his thumb as he silently frets. peter had fainted.

"i-i-" sirius is sputtering, dragging his hand across his mouth to clear the crumbs of biscuit that had clung to his face as his eyes watch the owls. "that's my sister's owl."

before anyone can react, a dyed orange owl swoops over their table and drops a bright red envelope into sirius' breakfast. he pales. "oh god, is that a--"

"howler," remus finishes, as the girls look at it curiously. they had never known sirius had a sister.

the envelope unfolds, lifting up into the air as if it was attached to invisible strings. and then it begins to screech.

"sirius fucking black!" the whole castle whirls around, and sirius blushes and burrows into his seat.

"would you believe what Apollo told me right now--it's the only time the little shits been useful... ow, goddamit don't give me a damn sunburn i'll fucking stab you, don't try me--he told me that you started dating remus lupin!"

the card pauses, hovering in the air, before it turns to remus and drops into a mock bow, folding over in the middle.

"hello future brother-in-law, just don't take my food and we'll get along fine."

the howler suddenly starts to spasm, and the voice starts to yell.

"percy jackson, you little bitch, did you just throw a dagger at me? this means death, little bro." a deep breath. and then, howling, "NNNNNIIIIIICCCCCOOOOO!"

"percy" sputters, and the howler convuslses as sirius' sister cackles and screams as thumping sounds echoe throughout the great hall. the letter calms down and returns it's attention to sirius once more.

"where were we..." the voice muses, then lets out a gasp of rememberance. "that's right! im coming to visit, bitch face!"