Celestial

Desperation

I had to get to her, I had to grasp her before she slipped through my fingers again. I couldn't let her go, not again. That man robbed me of my love. There was something familiar about him, like I've seen him before. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is my angel is out there and I wasn't going to leave her alone again.

"Miss Grant, you can't leave yet!" I ran into the arm of the woman that sat behind the counter in the lobby. "This is not my home," I try to explain to her between quick gasps of air. "It may not be your home but you are not stable to leave, Lana. I hear you screaming at night, for that girl. She wouldn't want you to go out there before you were ready, would she?" She's right, Marina wouldn't want me to leave at this mental state, but without Marina I would never be able to leave this place.

"That girl is my home. She's somewhere out there, confused and scared. I need to be there for her, I need to hold her in my arms so I can feel whole again. She is my only happiness. The only thing that kept me sane through all of this mess."

Her eyes widen, and her thin eyebrows furrowed. She knew what I felt, I could see the tears threatening to pour from her sad blue eyes. She placed her small hands on my shoulders and said, "Go."

So I did.

---

"Think Lana, think." I whispered to myself. Where would I go if I was Marina? "Come the fuck on." I'm getting frustrated with myself. I'll start at her dorm, maybe she'll remember it.

♥☻♥☻♥☻♥

I stood in the almost empty hallway. Paper covered the grey floor, but could not hide the dark red stains of blood. Everywhere, there was blood. Why was this the only place I could remember? It was so dull and grey. The only sounds that could be heard was the wind picking up papers and lifting them to another place of rest. 

I walked down the desolate hallways, taking in my surroundings. The ceilings seemed so familiar, but there was something missing. A face. I remember Elizabeth's scared expression hovering over me as she cried. I miss her so much my heart physically hurt at the memory of her sweet smile. I couldn't fight the tears. What's the point anyways? No one is going to find me, and I will never find myself.

♥☻♥☻♥☻♥

I knocked on the door of Marina's dorm room. "Yes?" Arianne's voice came from inside. "Hey, it's Lana." I said, speaking to the door. I heard Arianne jump to her feet and scramble to open the door. She flung it open and wrapped her arms around my neck. What? I returned her hug so I don't seem rude.

"I'm glad you're okay." She sniffles as she pulls from the hug and walks back into her room. "Have you seen Marina?" When the words spilled from my mouth I could see the pain in her scared expression. "Lana," she got up from her bed to put her hands on my arms. Why was she being so touchy? "Marina is gone, Lana. She's..dead." Her voice breaking on the word dead.

"What? No she's not. Have you seen the news? She was with a man during a robbery, where Arabella works."
"Yeah, I saw that but that's not Marina. She has brown hair, sweetie." Arianne cupped my cheek in her hand. What the hell? I backed away from her, slowly. "Ari, it was Marina. I know it was her. Marina is alive."
"Lana, you're so broken, let me fix you." She advanced towards me slowly, a desperate look in her eyes.
"Arianne, I should g-" she cut me off by pressing her lips against mine. I closed my eyes and kissed back.

I know it was wrong. I know I should have pushed her off and I shouldn't have kissed her back, but I was so lonely. So desperate. I know that's a horrible excuse but I miss Marina so much. I pretended it was her lips. But no matter how hard I imagined it were Marina's lips, the kiss still wasn't the same. And I'm afraid I'll never get to feel her lips against mine again.