Celestial

Without You

Ashley woke up just the other day and her wounds are starting to heal. They tell me Marina might still be alive. It feels like everything is finally starting to get better. But I will not let my walls down until I have her. Until I have my angel.

I sat in the cafeteria of the hospital, it was like the hospital was my home now. Only, when I'm not with Marina, I will never be home. I haven't been to my apartment, or on the roof, I haven't been to school in so long. They send me school work and an occasional cheesy "Get well soon!" card. I haven't had a cigarette in a while, they reminded me of Marina. No matter how hard I try to fill the emptiness, the void, with smoke, I will never be full without her.

"Hey," I turned to see Mikey, a smile on his face. His skin seemed to radiate as he stood there, smiling, as if he wasn't ever hurt. "This is a dream," I turn back around to find Mikey sitting on the opposite side of the table. "How is it a dream if we're not in the store I was shot in right now? How is it a dream if Marina isn't here with you? Elizabeth," he took my hands in his own, "this is reality."

He described my dreams as if he was watching them. It's probably just my conscious talking to me through hallucinations or what the fuck ever.

"No, no. I'm hallucinating, I watched you die Mikey, and I didn't do anything to help you."
He tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows as he listened.
"You saved us. You saved Marina, and I ruined her. I'm the reason she started hurting herself again, I'm the reason she went into that damned coma. I am the reason she's wandering the streets, clueless as to where she is or what her name is. It should have been me. It should have been me.."

"You're right Elizabeth, I did save you and Marina. Maybe it should have been you that died, but it wasn't. Maybe it was your fault Marina went into the coma, and sure, it may be your fault she is wandering the streets but guess what--she does not blame you."

I laid my head in my arms, crossed to make a pillow, and cried quietly to myself. I already made a scene talking to someone who wasn't there. I am a helpless mess. Maybe Mikey was right, or my conscious was probably just trying to make me feel better about everything.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't cry," Oliver's soft voice helped me calm a bit. He placed a box of pizza in front of me. "Let's take a break from this shitty hospital food, alright?" He forced a friendly smile.

Someone turned the TV on to the news channel. A low quality picture of a man and a woman in masks robbing a small gas station at gunpoint. It reminded me too much of what happened to Mikey.

The news reporter explains all that happened and asks the store clerk questions. "The man seemed to know what he was doing, Mari-" the girl cleared her throat, "the girl seemed scared, like she was forced to be there."
"I know her, that's Marina's friend, Arabella." I explained to Oliver a little too excitedly.

"You seem to know this girl, who is she?" The news reporter asked.
Arabella stared at the microphone for a second, contemplating. She was questioning whether or not she should reveal the name of the girl in the mask.
"Miss?"
"Oh, um. I don't-I don't know her." Arabella's eyes shifted quickly, avoiding the camera.

That was odd. Arabella must know this girl if she's acting weird like that.

"Oli, where does Arabella work?" I turned to face Oliver, except there was no Oliver, he disappeared.

I returned my attention to the TV. "The male robber was caught but the female took off. The store clerk claims the girl seemed brainwashed as if she was forced to accompany the man." A female's voice explained what was happening in the clip of the man pointing the gun at Arabella. The girl beside the man seemed more scared than Arabella was. But why was Arabella so afraid when they were asking for the girl's name?

There was something about her figure, the girl, how her body was curved in all the right places. The way her skin seemed to be so soft and fragile, almost like a marshmallow. She reminded me of Marina but it couldn't have been her because this girl was blonde.

They stopped replaying the clip of the man pointing the gun and instead played one where Arabella had the gun this time, aiming it at the man whose mask was now torn off. The blonde girl sat pressed against a shelf, her mask on the floor with the other one. The quality was especially low in this clip. I could only see her eyes clearly, for they were wide in terror. Her eyes brown, the kind of brown that is deep and dark. Deeper than any ocean, deeper than any canyon. I could see right through her, into her dark eyes. The eyes I knew so well. The only eyes that made me feel safe even in the deepest of shit, it was still no deeper than the depth of her brown eyes.

It was her, it was my angel