Never Not [Taekook]

NN 14

Taehyung.

We remained in silence, neither of us daring to speak. The atmosphere weighed heavily, but I nonchalantly shrugged it off.

What I expressed to him is genuine. Wouldn't it be better if we talk? To attain closure? It's been five years, and perhaps his feelings have evolved, just as mine have.

I held one specific reason in mind for considering a conversation with Bogum – perhaps it could help me avoid Jungkook. I had this nagging feeling that my emotions might disrupt his wedding if they continued to intensify.

“You want to talk to him?” he finally inquired. I looked at him and nodded. I observed his changing expression but chose not to dwell on it.

“I just thought maybe it's time to catch up with him. Just because we're exes doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?” I chuckled, attempting to shake off the nervousness within me. I knew Jungkook wouldn't appreciate it; he had expressed his disdain for Bogum multiple times, making it clear he didn't want me talking or hanging out with him.

I noticed Jungkook clenching his jaw, his tight grip on his sweatpants not escaping my notice. While I was cautious not to get my hopes up, a part of me couldn't help but entertain the thought that maybe, just maybe, he was jealous.

“Y-Yeah. F-for your closure,” he stuttered. Confused, I looked at him and chuckled when he scrunched up his nose, clearly frustrated with himself for stuttering.

He glared at me and raised a brow. “What?” he said in a bratty way, a hint of red coloring his cheeks.

I bit the inside of my cheeks, suppressing the smile attempting to creep onto my lips. Shaking my head, I looked away, feeling my heart racing.

I hopped down from the counter and faced him. “I'll go ahead. Thought you'd have work today, so I better leave before you get late. Again, I'm sorry about yesterday,” I sincerely said before departing, not giving him a chance to respond.

I rushed to my room, locking the door behind me. Flopping onto my bed, I stared at the white ceiling, boredom and loneliness settling in. Although I wanted to reach out to Bogum, I felt too lazy to engage in conversation with anyone at the moment.

My thoughts swiftly turned to a particular raven-haired guy in the house, standing in the dining room with his enticing physique. I contemplated how to avoid him. Yes, I loved him, but I didn't want to jeopardize the most beautiful thing happening to him in five months.

What does it feel like to have Jungkook in your life? To catch a glimpse of him before bedtime, to open your eyes and find him embracing you, to be kissed by Jungkook? I desired all those experiences, yet someone else was destined to have them. I love Jungkook, and Yoongi-hyung is right; I should love myself more. However, I couldn't bring myself to avoid him. I just couldn't.

I snapped back to my senses when my phone rang. Jisoo's name appeared on the screen, and I sat up with a sigh.

Answering the call, I said, “Hello?”

“Mr. Kim? I'm sorry for disturbing you, but there's a certain guy that keeps on bugging us to give your address and number. What should we do? We can't get rid of him, Sir. I'm sorry–Please, sir. I don't want to lose my job, so please cooperate. We can't just give you what you want unless it's about business, but you told us you just want to know where he lives– I'm sorry, Mr. Kim. He's stubborn.”

I sighed, massaging my temple. “What's his name?” I asked seriously, not wanting people to mess around with my business.

“What's your name, sir?”

There was a brief silence, and when Jisoo spoke again, what he said left me dumbfounded. “Park Bogum. His name is Park Bogum, Mr. Kim. And he's insisting that you knew each other.”

“G–give him the phone, quick!” I blurted.

After a rustling sound, Bogum's voice filled my ears. “Tae?”

I furrowed my eyebrows. Why did he sound drunk? “Bogum. Why are you disturbing my employees?”

I heard a sniff before he spoke again. “I'm sorry... I.... I just missed you, Tae.”

My eyes widened in shock, and my phone slipped and fell onto my lap. Did he just say he missed me? Am I hearing things?

I drew in a deep breath, lifting my phone to my ear and exhaling sharply. “You can't just toy with me, Mr. Park. I've got more crucial matters to attend to than dealing with your nonsensical ramblings,” I asserted firmly.

“I'm serious, Tae. I missed you. So damn much.”

My eyes slammed shut. How badly I wished to hear those words from him in the past. I'd even fantasized about him pleading for my acceptance. If this scenario had unfolded earlier, I might have jumped at the chance. But now, all I felt was a surge of hatred and anger. He cheated on me, and now that I've moved on, he decides to utter words he should have said when it mattered.

“Enough of this nonsense, or I'll ban you from entering my gallery,” I declared, clenching my fist and grinding my teeth.

“Tae–”

Before he could finish his sentence, I abruptly ended the call. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I despise him. I don't love him anymore. So why does it still hurt?

His actions only served as a painful reminder that, no matter what I do or whom I love, I won't receive that love in return. Why must I endure this? I can't recall committing any grievous sins. All I desire is to love and be loved! Why won't destiny allow it? Why can't I love Jungkook without experiencing this agony? Why won't destiny let me erase my unfortunate past? Why won't destiny just leave me be?

Why can't destiny make Jungkook love me?

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