Unknown Heroes ◆ JeonJungkook✔

Twelve: Very Bad Dick Jokes, But Someone Had To Make Them

"No Mom, seriously." Jungkook somehow juggled his phone and the frying pan at the same time, "It's fine." He practically snarled into the speaker while serving Jee the most horrifying looking pancakes I've ever laid eyes onto.

"They look like you used them to murder some-mmm-" He shut me up by pressing his index finger against my lips, frowning concentratedly while listening to whatever his mother was yelling into the phone.

And I'm saying yelling, because I could hear her voice even over Jee's babbling and the sizzling of more pancakes.

"Look, Mother-" The way he'd said the last word made me wonder what poison she'd made him swallow as a child, "-I'll hang up now, 'kay? We were just about to eat and- yes, we- oh my god, good bye."

He hung up and turned back to his pancakes, clearly in a sour mood.

I watched him, resting my chin in my palm with a sufficient grin after the interesting information this whole scene had just opened me, "What was that, Rude Boy?"

He snorted, clearly trying to cover up his laughter, "My mom."

"I could tell, yeah." I affirmed, smug smile not leaving my face, "What was is with the saltiness?"

He grunted, flicking the pan to turn the pancake, "Remember what I told you about the kinda household I grew up in?"

"Uhmmm-" I answered vaguely, not really able to recall anything.

He scoffed, turning off the stove swiftly, "Thought so."

Wow, now he was really making me feel guilty, "I'm sorry, okay! You don't really ever talk about yourself." I defended, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Pamcakes!" Jee chimed in-between, clearly trying to lighten the mood - someone teach the poor kid the proper way of saying this word.

"Well," He fired back, "And you clearly don't listen well."

I'm a fucking asshole, I get it, "Tell me now?"

He stuck out his tongue, "Not a chance."

"Well, then fuck you." I flipped him off, making Jee gasp.

"Not in front of the child!" Jungkook protested, hands quickly pressed against the boy's ears with a scandalized look on his face.

Ah, right. I forgot that I'm swear-banned whenever Jee's over. I fucking hate babysitting.

"Wow," I tried to distract, "I sure love pamcakes."

...

...

"I'm so sorry Jungkook, I can't lie about this, these taste terrible." I wheezed out a second after.

"You do them next time then, B-I-T-C-H." He threw a petty glare at me, making me giggle when he spelled out bitch to preserve Jee's innocence. Like the boy's innocence had any chance in my household.

"Better not, or I'll set the kitchen on fire." I huffed, "On purpose."

"No, that's bad, Noona!" Jee protested, little fists clenched around his fork angrily.

I smiled sweetly, "I was just joking, sweety."

It was silent for a second, until Jungkook whispered, "No, you weren't."

I quickly learned that Jee is a very conversational eater - and a messy one, yikes - which I am most definitely not (not after spending the past years with eating each meal alone in front of my computer), so I pretty much clocked out of the conversation as soon as I started to eat.

You know what I haven't spent lot's of thought on lately? My fucking manga updates. Jee is just so... time consuming. I shouldn't let this little satan spawn sabotage my success as an artist.

"Hyung, I-I gotta pee."

I stared at Jungkook pensively, mind slipping into a completely inappropriate headspace for the situation.

"Will you make it by yourself?" Jungkook retorted with smile, wiping off Jee's greasy fingers before letting him go anywhere in this house.

I really wasn't listening at all, brain already working on the next update in my imagination. I  like to plot ahead, making up conversations beforehand and, well, planning what information I'll need to include. That kinda stuff.

"Of course!" Jee puffed out his chest, "I'm a big boy, remember?"

Information. Yeah.

A small giggled escaped the older's lips, "Of course."

Involuntarily, my eyes wandered down to my roommate's crotch. 

Jee disappeared in the bathroom and I had the mind blowing epiphany that I would have to draw my muse's dick this evening. Fuck.

"Jungkook, what condom size do you use?"

The poor man choked on his pancake, coughing violently before staring up at me, bewildered and amused equally.

"Did you seriously just ask me how big my dick is, Bambi?" He raised his eyebrows slowly. "Am I in the wrong universe? That's fuckin' wild."

"No! I-" Very smooth, Y/N, very smooth. That was the most embarrassing shit I've ever said out loud. 

But I needed some kinda reference and, clearly, I couldn't just ask him for a dick pic.

...

Unless?

JUST KIDDING OH MY GOD.

"That- uh- I just meant-" I squinted my eyes close, wringing my head for an explanation, "I just thought that, if its my turn to shop for groceries I... could just...." Each word leaving my mouth sounded extremely painful.

"You thought you could just buy me condoms while you're at it." Jungkook deadpanned.

"...yeah?"

"I-- actually I don't hate the idea." He flashed me a dumb grin, "But, Y/N, I feel like you have an a little exaggerated image of my sex life. I don't get that much action that you'd need to buy me new condoms every week."

Me and my loose mouth. What have I gotten myself into.

"Yeah, yeah just so you know." I waved dismissively, acting as casual as possible, "The offer's on the table."

He cocked a brow, amused grin not faltering when he lifted his cup to drink, "I'll remember that."

"Noona! Hyung! Don't finish without me!" Jee was my salvation, single handedly carrying me out of this deep, dark pit of embarrassment, "What were you talking about?" He looked between us with happy curiosity.

I couldn't stop myself- "Nothing big." Jungkook shot me an offended look, but hey, he never gave me an answer, right?

"That's right Jee," My roommate patted the small boy's hair, "Noona just promised to buy me something."

Man, I sure love pamcakes.

___

took me so long to updated this one cause I was so busy with little dark age recently sowwy

xx