Clinging On (KARLNAP)

Ch 12 "Deep End"

TW: slight angst

Karl POV

After a few hours of just chilling out on my phone grew tiring. I walked upstairs and knocked on Sapnap's door.

"Come in." He gave permission and I opened the door, his eyes followed my entrance. He looked exhausted. He also looked like he was crying.

"Hey, I just thought maybe you would want to have a break or if I could just chill in here with you. Is that alright?" I didn't want to say anything about how tired he looked or how he looked like he just cried.

"Yeah, I could really go for a break, right now." He huffed before shutting his computer and patting the bed for me to sit next to him, and which I did.He laid his head on my shoulder, I couldn't help but smile at the sudden affection.

"You alright?" I asked and to that Sapnap turned and hugged me. It was sudden but I instantly hugged him back and I kept him in my arms.

"I don't know how to feel anymore, part of me wants to go back to my mom but she doesn't deserve me. But I still want her. I'm just so upset." He held on to me. I don't blame him for being confused about that, he has a honked up mother who abandoned him and now all of a sudden wants him again, and of course Sapnap is gonna want her, but he knows she doesn't deserve to pick and choose when he's in her life. I understand that must be challenging, but at the end of the day, it's his mother.

"I know, I know, it's ok to be confused and upset. No one should have to go through this type of weight and confusion about their mother, but hey you have time to think about her and about how you feel about her. You don't have to make your mind up on her if you don't want to. Sapnap, I'm so sorry, I'm so so so sorry that you have to go through this, you don't deserve it."

Sapnap suddenly sat up and let out a shaky breath before looking into my eyes, his brown eyes sparkling with the tears he's holding in. "Karl, this is probably gonna be something I regret, but I have a question."

"What's up?" What was the boy gonna say.

"Do you dream about me?"

Why is he asking this...? What am I supposed to answer with.

"Yeah, sometimes."

That's a lie.

"You do?"

I dream about you every night.

"Yeah."

"How do your dreams go?"

"It's normally just us at the beach," I know that's partially a lie. We would be at the bridge and it just felt like the beach.

"Oh. What would we do?"

"Just play some Volleyball." And sometimes get really close to kissing, as your strawberry breath would whisper into nature.

"We should do that sometime. Just go to the beach."

And do what, breathe on each other while you step on my toes.

"Do you ever dream about me?"

"Yeah, I do, we'd be at a bar karaoke singing that song."

I felt myself smile as he smirked mischievously. "Oh so that's where your fear of Mr Brightside came from, a little dream with me"

"Hey that song is terrifying." Sapnap joked, wiping his tear filled eyes from his more happier expression.

"Why is it so terrifying?" I ask, letting the banter further as the playfulness sparked from butterflies hitting the walls of my stomach.

"If I told you, you wouldn't be able to handle it." He smirked, though his eyes shown a vivid emotion I couldn't read, though I wish I could.