Clinging On (KARLNAP)

Ch 15 "Pinkies"

TW: Self Harm, Suicide, Domestic Manipulation

Sapnap POV

   I woke up with Karl's arms wrapped around me, snuggled into my chest, his head fit perfectly into the crook of my neck.

  I couldn't help but smile at the curly haired boy, it was sweet having him up next to me knowing he knows everything. I took my hand and I ran my fingers through his hair, his hair was so fluffy and soft, it tickled my scruffy chin.

   I wish I could lay like this with him in the protection of my arms forever, but we have school today. He can't be absent again, he doesn't need to be absent on my behalf. I hated school, but it was ok, I had Karl with me, he gave me hope.

   I'm very confused as to what we and Karl are, to be frank I don't want to have to deal with questions and this relationship shit right now. I just want Karl, I don't want to worry about the labels.

   All I did know is that Karl likes me, I like him back.

   I watched the clock tick to 6:30, Karl can sleep in till 6:50, we drive to school so we don't have to be there too soon. I slowly and gently reached to grab my phone off the charger. I got a text message;

Mom
Hey, Sap, I know you were super mad at me on the phone and I feel really bad about it. I really want to try and talk to you in person, I was wondering if maybe you'd want to go out for dinner, I want to make it up to you and just chat and catch up. Just let me know. Love you 😘

   I don't understand how a mother should feel the need to catch up with her kid. She should already be up to date but no she isn't.

   I don't need to deal with this. I- I have Karl and Jeff, I don't need anyone more than that...

   I'm fine.

   I don't need her.

   I don't need her.

   I don't need her, but I do miss her.

   I look at Karl again, my thoughts center on things he does, like the way Karl lightly stirs and nudges into my neck to try and fit tighter into the shape of my body; or the way he'd smack his lips in his sleep.

   I look at the text again. Why now?

   Why does she all of a sudden want back in my life? She could have taken me with her, she chose against it, leaving me with my dad. Need I remind her that he burnt my arm with a flame drawn to my skin.

    I can't do this. I can't go to dinner with her. I can't do that. That'll just mess me up, I like the way things are now. I like living with Karl and Jeff. I like sleeping in the same bed as Karl.  I like being more than stuck with Karl by a mark on our bodies.

    Oh my gosh.

     I quickly lift up my shirt, the purple mark is fading.

     I kissed Karl...

     I kissed him twice...

     No, I kissed him three times...

     His mark is fading and so is mine. Not to be cheesy or anything but I liked our marks. I liked being reminded that Karl was always going to be there just by a little mark. I also liked knowing no one would try anything seeing the mark on his hand.

   I liked them.

   I'll miss them.

   I slowly rise up causing Karl to slowly yawn awake.