My random writings (and vents)

Cold hands and warm arms

Cold hands of the mind cup my face thoughts upon thoughts of you fill my head as well as the deep dark ones..the ones that fill my head and tell me i'm not enough especially for you..the dark thoughts that fill my brain as i'm left alone in the dark..that's when i cry when the amount of self hate drowns my brain and i clench onto the cold hands of the darkness..i cry myself to sleep with my brain filed with you and your smiled..only for it to be filed and soaked by the darkness of my thoughts especially of the ones were you scream that you hate me that you plunge your knife made of words into my chest..even if there just thoughts i know that someday they will be real..that you'll hate me just as much as i hate myself..because these thoughts cloud my mind and consume my being whole they control me as i look into the mirror as i think alone..as they yell and my music gets louder and louder as the sound of my typing drowns out the sound..but its not enough because this is my fault if i didn't exist then maybe the yelling would stop maybe then i could be as happy as you see me..these are the thoughts i live with no matter what and it will forever stay that way..because i'm not stupied enough to hurt the empty shell i call a body..i'm a coward who will live with the yelling for however long i live on this earth..i will continue to embrace the cold hands of my psyche..that's what i thought until i met you..your hands were so warm as they embraced me as you ran your fingers through my tangled hair as if you were trying to get rid of these sick thoughts..but i know you were not because you don't know they exist..you think i'm happy and maybe it should stay that way..so i may continue to be held in your warm arms so that you can run your fingers through my knotted hair once more..so you don't leave because once you realize that i could never love myself you will leave because you think i could never love you..however i love you more then this hell i call life and no matter how much i hate myself that i'll always love you because then maybe this wasted love could go to some use..just please even for a little save me from these cold hands by holding me in your warmth and then maybe..i'll be ok again