Hear Me Now (Phan)

Chapter 4

Hear Me Now

Chapter 4 - If I Could Only Find You

Dan's POV:

He still didn't come home. I can't pretend to not care, I can't just pretend that everything is okay because nothing is okay anymore. I don't even know if anything will ever be okay.

It's like, everything was so perfect, and it suddenly all fell apart.

It fell out of my reach. It just collapsed and fell apart. Into many different pieces. Every piece with its own cause and its own story.

The night was cold, the empty streets of Manchester were lightened by the dim street lights. I couldn't sleep, not without Phil in this very apartment.

That was it, I went out into the streets to search for him.

As soon as I exited the large building, I ran into the streets, screaming Phil's name, in hoping of an answer.

I loved him, I couldn't let him go so easily.

Rain is pouring down from the dark, cold, midnight sky, the streets are lifeless, empty.

"Phil! Please, I'm sorry!" I shout. "Don't do this to me!" I beg.

I kneel down on the pavement and cry, my tears mixed with the rain.

"I didn't mean it, Phil. I'm Sorry, come back..." I sob.

"I love you," I whisper.

~ 3 Years Later ~

December 23rd

"Yeah, that's totally fine. Sure, sure, it's all fine," I reassured PJ through the call. He and Chris were ought to come join me this Christmas, like the past 2 ones, but they couldn't make it. PJ's parents invited the two boys over and I was left alone.

It wasn't that bad, it could've been worse.

The Christmas Eve was already tomorrow and I realized that I had nothing ready, nothing prepared. My Christmas tree wasn't even yet put up.

The thought of the Christmas tree gave me a brilliant idea to kill my boredom. So that's what I decided to do for the rest of the day. Decorate the Christmas tree.

I raced through the doorway and into Phil's room, that's where the Christmas tree was. I didn't take it out since Phil was here. Since I've last seen him...

No matter how hard I tried to get over him, I just couldn't. It still hurts me to think that he is somewhere out there, far away from me...

No, Dan. Stop thinking about him. It's over, he's long gone.

I scolded myself for thinking about him, I was tired of it but that's what I had to do. I had to cut my pain and tears away.

I brought the razor to my wrist and cut it downwards quick and deep. I made sure that it was painful. I needed to hurt, it was a punishment I had to get for thinking about Phil.

He loved me, I liked him. I love him, he's gone.

Another thought, another cut down my wrist.

I don't know how far I can live on with this life..

All I need is for Phil to come back home, that's all I want for Christmas. Is it too much to ask for?

~

Phil's POV:

It was raining, like it always did on the damp streets of Manchester.

I didn't leave Manchester, I couldn't do this to Dan. Every day, I lived in hope, that he would find me, because I was too weak to stand up and walk. I just sat there, behind a bakery, waiting for the bakers to throw away left-overs, the only food I could get.

This time, the bakery was closed, it was since last week, Christmas was coming, and I am just here, dreaming my life away.

The tiny rain droplets were like little diamonds falling down from the sky. I loved to look at them, it was something I enjoyed doing since I was here.

I didn;t have an idea what day it was, nor what time it was, what year it was, or what day it was. I was living life the way it was. I knew I didn't have long to live though, it was getting colder, and I was getting weaker.

"Dan, I miss you," I whispered under my breath, my throat dry and soar. I didn't drink nor eat anything for a while now. I didn't knw how long I would live this life for anymore.